


Of sunsets and ocean eyes

by JCMadGirl



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Astronomy, Child Abuse, Drinking, F/M, Fighting, Fluff, Holding hands is gay culture, Hurt/Comfort, I promise, Kie is a lesbian because I said so, LIKE ALL THE TIME, Let's start, Like so much, Lots of Cursing, Luke Maybank's A+ Parenting, M/M, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Pope knows weird things, Sleeping Together, Smoking, cuteness, fuck that guy, there's a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:15:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26250274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JCMadGirl/pseuds/JCMadGirl
Summary: In the aftermath of John B's death, JJ and Pope and Kie are left to pick up the pieces.***“Did you know sea otters hold hands when they sleep?” Pope asks, and he squeezes JJ’s hand.“What?” JJ chokes out.“Yeah. So they don’t drift apart. They hold hands.”
Relationships: JJ & Kiara & Pope (Outer Banks), JJ/Pope (Outer Banks), Kiara/Pope (Outer Banks), Sarah Cameron/John B. Routledge
Comments: 12
Kudos: 91





	Of sunsets and ocean eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, kids, I've read this story so many times, trying to fix it and make it better that now I hate it.  
> SO here goes nothing, hope you like it!  
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated!  
> Check out my tumblr if you want to yell at me and fangirl together <3  
> (https://www.tumblr.com/blog/jcmadgirl)
> 
> Song: Die for you by The Weeknd

_ Die for you- the weekend _

_ [ _ _ You know what I'm thinkin' _

_ See it in your eyes _

_ You hate that you want me _

_ Hate it when you cry _

_ You're scared to be lonely _

_ 'Specially in the night _

_ I'm scared that I'll miss you _

_ Happens every time _

_ I don't want this feelin' _

_ I can't afford love _

_ I try to find reason to pull us apart _

_ It ain't workin' 'cause you're perfect _

_ And I know that you're worth it _

_ I can't walk away _ _ ] _

**JJ**

It’s blurry. 

“Did you find them?” Pope asks, voice hard. 

(JJ has never seen him like this.) 

Shoupe shakes his head, and JJ’s heart sinks to the floor. 

“So they got away?” Kie continues. 

( _ Hopeful.) _

(JJ wants to laugh.)

“We, uh- we  _ lost  _ them.” Shoupe says. “I’m sorry.” 

(JJ can't breathe.)

(He knows what’s coming, he  _ knows- _

(He knows, and he can’t- 

( _ John B- _

“What do you mean, you  _ lost  _ them? Like, they’re  _ gone _ ? What are you talking about?” 

“They took an open boat to a tropical depression, Pope.” Shoupe says, like it’s obvious.

(It is obvious, it  _ is- _

JJ feels sick. 

( _ Please, no, no, no, no- _

(His chest feels heavy, and there are tears pooling in his eyes, and JJ can't do this, he can't- 

“So they're dead?”

(It’s like being stabbed.)

(JJ would know.) 

(He’s got a scar to prove it.)

( _ Hey, dad.) _

“We don’t know.” Shoupe says, but JJ does. 

( _ They’re dead.) _

_ (He’s dead.) _

(John B is dead.)

JJ sees red. 

“You drove them  _ straight  _ through the storm, man.” JJ barely recognizes his own voice, low and shaky and dangerous.

(He can’t breathe, he can’t breathe, he can’t  _ breathe- _

Shoupe looks away.

( _ Your fault, your fault, your fault- _

“Are you kidding me? Come here!” He punches first. 

It’s blurry. 

JJ fights, and Kie is screaming his name, but JJ can’t stop, there’s too much in his chest, tight and heavy and he can’t do this, he can’t-

He’s screaming and he doesn’t even know what he’s saying, but it doesn’t matter, it really doesn't, nothing does, because John B is  _ dead- _

(JJ can’t do it without him.) 

( _ Your fault, your fault, your fault- _

He's still fighting and yelling and kicking when he catches Kie’s parents coming in the tent, followed by Pope’s parents. 

JJ stops, then.

(He feels empty.)

He sees Kie fall apart, tears rolling down her face and a sob tearing past her lips, gripping onto her mother, body shaking, and he feels empty.

He sees Pope fall into his mother’s arms and Heyward reaching for them both, protective and careful, and he feels so  _ fucking  _ empty.

( _ Your fault, your fault, your fault- _

(He knows no one will come for him.)

(He doesn't  _ have  _ anyone.)

(John B was his whole fucking family and now he's  _ dead- _

Then Heyward opens an arm and pulls him in the family hug, and JJ goes, lets them wrap him in warmth and Heyward is stroking his hair, and he’s saying something that JJ can't make out, but it doesn't matter, it feels good, it keeps JJ together for now. 

JJ has no idea for how long he holds onto Heyward.

(Kie has already left with her family.)

Pope is by his side.

(Solid, and steady, and warm.) 

JJ lights up a cigarette, and Heyward shakes his head, but JJ can't bring himself to care.

(The smoke is familiar in his mouth.)

( _ Breathe.) _

(He wishes he had something stronger.) 

“We should go home.” Pope’s mom says at one point.

( _ Home.) _

JJ wonders if they’d let him stay at the Chateau.

(The thought of sleeping there without John B is almost enough to send him spiraling again.)

It’s not like he has anywhere else to go.

(He sank the  _ Phantom.) _

(He might as well kill himself, before Luke does.) 

Pope stands up and Heyward wraps an arm around his shoulders.

JJ stays where he is, staring at the cigarette burning between his fingers.

(He has to swallow back the tears  _ again.) _

( _ Your fault, your fault, your fault, your fault- _

(JJ can't breathe.)

He has to leave. He really doesn’t want to be the last one remaining in this place. 

( _ Where?) _

He stands up, and he starts walking, and Pope is calling his name, but JJ doesn’t turn around, barely registers Pope’s voice really, he just has to get away from there, away from the police and from the sea and from the place where he just lost the only family he ever had,  _ what the fuck- _

He walks for an eternity, and suddenly he looks up, and  _ poof,  _ there he is. His house.

JJ stands in front of the door for  _ another  _ eternity.

(He doesn’t have to go in.) 

(He can find another place.)

(He can totally break into the Chateau.) 

Then the door is yanked open, and Luke appears on the threshold.

“Look who washed up.” He says, voice low and dangerous. “Get in, you lil’ shit.” 

JJ is moving before he can even think about it, and he  _ hates  _ it.

(Hates that Luke still has this much power on him, hates that he can never tell him no., hates that even after everything that went down, JJ still came back.)

(JJ is a liar, and he lied when he said he wasn’t afraid anymore.)

( _ God,  _ he’s fucking terrified.)

As soon as the door closes, JJ finds himself pressed against the wall, Luke’s hands tight around his throat. 

( _ Fuck, fuck, shit, God, no- _

“Dad-

“You  _ sank  _ my fuckin’ boat, you piece of shit.” Luke growls.

( _ Your fault, your fault, your fault- _

“Police came by askin’  _ questions _ , wanted to know why two kids died on my damn boat.” 

JJ can't breathe, darkness pulling at the edges of his vision. 

“Dad-

“Shut  _ the fuck  _ up, bastard.” Luke lets him go then, and JJ drops to his knees, coughing and panting, one hand coming up to touch his own neck. Luke kicks him right in the stomach then, and JJ rolls on his side, pain shooting through his body.

Luke grabs his hair, and pulls him up to his feet again, and JJ has to force his legs to cooperate before his dad can rip out all his hair.

He sees the fist coming at his face.

( _ Your fault.) _

He doesn't move, and it hurts, of course it does, it hurts so bad, and Luke keeps going, slamming JJ’s head against the wall once, twice, again and  _ again- _

(JJ sees dots in front of his eyes, vision swimming.)

(He’s distantly aware that he’s going to die today.) 

( _ Fucking finally.)  _

Luke grabs his neck again, and  _ throws  _ him against the opposite wall, and JJ falls on the ground again, paint falling in his hair, and he can't breathe, can’t see, can’t  _ move- _

Luke is on him, straddling his hips to hold him down, and JJ lifts his hands to try and protect himself, which is pointless, he’s too exposed, and there’s blood everywhere-

(JJ can taste it in his mouth, metallic and hot.)

“You fuckin’ piece of shit, always have to go and ruin everything, should have gone down with the fuckin’ boat, you should have.”   
(JJ would give anything to have been the one on the Phantom instead of John B and Sarah.) 

( _ Your fault.)  _

It’s blurry.

It goes on for forever, Luke doesn’t stop when JJ starts begging, or when JJ stops talking, or when JJ stops moving. 

( _ Your fault.) _

Luke is still going by the time JJ passes out.

**POPE**

“I’m worried.” Kie says, and to be honest, so is Pope.

( _ Where are you?) _

“He hasn’t replied?” Pope asks, and he already knows the answer.

( _ Stupid JJ.) _

“No.” Kie says, shaking her head lightly.

(She looks as Pope feels.)

(Messy hair thrown into a bun, dark bags under tired eyes.)

“We should go look for him.” Pope says, because they really should. 

It’s been five days.

(Almost a week that Pope spent on his bed, staring at the white ceiling of his room, trying to muster up enough energy to go downstairs to get some food and failing each time.)

(This is the first time since it happened that he managed to get out of bed.)

(And only because Kie wanted to see him.)

(He had hoped JJ would show up too.)

“Yeah.” Kie says, and she almost sounds like herself for a second.

(Fierce, confident.) 

Kie looks up to him, and Pope meets her eyes, and he should really  _ do  _ something. 

Kiss her, maybe.

(The thought makes him want to hide in bed for the rest of his life.)

Kie takes his hand then, and that’s- it’s good, it feels  _ nice _ .

(Kie’s hand is small in his, delicate.)

(They should talk about it, about the kiss, Pope  _ knows  _ they should, he’s not an idiot.)

(It’s  _ just- _

_ (Priorities.) _

They have to find JJ.

Everything else can wait.

“I’ll go to the Chateau, and you go look by the beach, okay?” Pope says, and Kie nods, squeezing his hand before letting go.

(It feels good to make plans like this, to have something to do.) 

(Pope can almost pretend they’re just playing a game, and at the end of the day they’ll all go chill at the Chateau with JJ and John B and Sarah Cameron, and everything will be okay again.)

(It’s not real, of course, Pope is not in denial, but he can pretend, just for a second.)

( _ Where are you?) _

JJ is not at the Chateau.

Pope knows it as soon as he gets there, standing on the porch, past the  _ Do not cross  _ lines.

The Chateau is empty.

(There’s no John B walking around, being loud while he cooks or watches tv, filing the space with just his presence.)

(And there’s no JJ, laying on the couch with a joint burning between his fingers, rings catching the sunlight, cracking jokes and making fun of Pope, big smile on his face.)

The lights are all off.

(Instead, the rooster is fucking dead, the garden is trashed, there are police lines everywhere, and the house is dead silent.)

“Jesus.” Pope whispers to no one, and he can’t really bring himself to open the door.

(He’s not sure he’d be able to handle it.)

“JJ?” He calls out his name anyway, and receives no answer. 

(Unsurprisingly.)

Pope turns back around and sits on the stairs of the porch, trying to catch his breath.

(He feels lightheaded.)

( _ Jesus Christ.) _

It shouldn’t be like this. 

(It feels wrong.)

Pope presses his hands into his eyes, sees bright colors flashing behind his eyelids, sucks in a sharp breath.

He doesn’t have time to panic, he needs to find him.

( _ Where are you?) _

(Pope really can’t afford to lose another friend.)

( _ Not him.) _

He stumbles on his feet again, forcing down the tears prickling at his eyes.

(Pope has always been good at compartmentalization, thank you very much.)

( _ Where are you?) _

It’s almost sunset by the time Pope finds him.

(He’s been running around all day, and he’s exhausted and ready to die but then-

Pope should have figured it out sooner.

(Of fucking course JJ would get on a boat as soon as he could.)

( _ HMS POGUES.) _

(JJ loves the sea, Pope could swear JJ is half-fish.)

“JJ.” The name slips out of his mouth before he can even process it. 

The boat is anchored close to the shore, and Pope stands on the muddy grass of the marsh, the sun going down behind JJ.

( _ Golden.) _

JJ looks up then, pushing the hat off his eyes, and  _ Jesus. _

(Pope lists it all in his head.)

( _ Black eye, split lip, cut on his eyebrow, bruise on his left cheek, bruise on his right cheek, bruises all around his neck, bruises- _

“Pope, what’s up?” JJ smiles at him, big and bright and he’s drunk.

(Fucking wasted.)

“JJ-

“What’s with the long face, bro? Look at the fuckin’- the fuckin’ sunset, bro-

“You’re drunk.” It’s not a question. 

(JJ’s smile falters, just a second.)

(Pope doesn't miss it.)

“Fuck yeah I am, man. Get up here, come on.” 

Pope does.

(Because he’s weak, and he’s missed JJ so  _ fucking  _ much.)

( _ Christ.) _

JJ is laying on the bow, hat pulled over his face, and he’s wearing the same clothes he was wearing that night.

(Red hat, and blue shirt, bruises peeking out from under his collar-

“Where have you been?” Pope asks, and JJ shrugs, winches, lights up a cigarette.

“A bit here and there.” He says, and he’s still slurring.

(Pope can’t even count the empty bottles laying around.)

“You went home.” .

JJ doesn’t look at him.

“Yeah.” He says, blowing out the smoke.

(There’s blood on his shirt.)

(There’s blood through his hair, red on blond.)

“Kie was worried.” Pope says. “ _ I  _ was worried.” 

JJ looks up.

(It sucks all of the air out of Pope’s lungs.)

(JJ’s eyes are empty.)

“Figured you two would keep each other company.”

(Pope doesn’t know how to tell him that he hasn’t spent the entire day in bed today only because he had to make sure JJ was okay.)

(And he’s clearly not.) 

“Why did you leave?” Pope asks, voice trembling, and JJ shakes his head.

“Why would I stay? Your parents- 

JJ’s voice cracks, and something dark flashes in his eyes, but then JJ looks away and Pope half thinks he imagined it.

(He knows he didn’t.)

“JJ-

“You had to be with your families.” JJ continues, and Pope hears it loud and clear.

( _ Not wanted.) _

(Pope wants to tell him that he’ll  _ always  _ want JJ around.)

(Christ, one  _ week  _ without JJ and Pope is already falling apart.) 

“We should go home. It’s getting late.” Pope says instead, and JJ laughs, an empty, broken sound.

(It chills Pope’s blood.)

“No thanks, last time I went I thought I’d die there, would rather avoid repeating the experience.” JJ says, a smile playing on his lips. “Zero out of ten, would not recommend.” 

(Pope just wishes he’d stop  _ pretending,  _ for just a second.)

“Not there, idiot. You’re coming home with me.” JJ’s eyes snap up.

(He looks surprised, which is weird, because Pope sort of thought it was the obvious thing to do.)

(Since they can’t go to the Chateau anymore, because-

(Since they can’t go to the Chateau anymore, JJ will just stay with him.)

“Your dad doesn’t like me.” JJ says, and it’s not what Pope was expecting.

“Yes, he does.” Pope says, and JJ snorts.

“Yeah, as much as you like snakes.”

(Pope  _ hates  _ snakes.)

“I wouldn’t say  _ as much- _

“Pope-

“Where are you gonna stay?” Pope asks, because he’s too tired to argue. “ Kie’s parents don’t want a boy sleeping there, you can’t stay at the Chateau, and I’m not letting you go back home, so what other options do you have?” 

(He sees JJ flinch.)

(Maybe that was too harsh.)

( _ Why are you like this, Pope?) _

“JJ-

“Okay.” JJ says, and Pope stops mid-sentence, closing his mouth.

“Yeah?” He asks, and JJ nods. 

“Yeah. Let’s go.” Pope nods, closing his mouth.

“Okay, cool. That’s- cool.” JJ gives him a small smile, and then Pope drives the HMS POGUE back to town, with JJ sitting down beside him, hat pulled over his eyes. 

“You okay, JJ?” Pope asks when they make it back to Pope’s dad shop. JJ nods, lips pressed together. 

“Jus’- gimme a minute.” He says, and then he stumbles to his feet and rummages around for a minute, until he manages to retrieve everything he needs to roll a blunt.

(Pope watches him work, long, practised fingers, bruised knuckles and shiny rings.)

(He watches JJ lick the paper to close it and has to look away.) 

JJ lights up, closing his eyes, and Pope watches the smoke curl in pretty circles above them.

(Watches JJ’s throat bob, the ring of bruises around his neck shift when he swallows.)

(He really wants to ask.)

(He doesn’t.)

( _ Yet _ .)

“Want some?” JJ asks, like he does every time, and Pope shakes his head.

(He really has no desire to smoke again after last time.)

“Suit yourself.” 

They don’t say anything while JJ smokes, which is weird, because usually JJ is  _ always  _ talking.

(Just blabbering about anything and everything, loud and bright and obnoxious.)

(It’s weird to see him so quiet.)

(It freaks Pope out.) 

He ends up texting Kie that he did find JJ, and that he’s staying with him for the time being.

When JJ is done, they tie the boat to the pier, and head inside. 

Pope’s mom is inside, and she smiles at Pope.

“Hey, honey, how did- JJ, hello.” 

“Good evening, ma’am.” JJ says, taking off his hat and running one hand through his hair. Pope’s mom is not smiling anymore, then, and JJ looks down.

“Oh, JJ.” She says, and then she shakes her head, smiling again. “I’ll make you boys dinner, how does that sound? Pope, take him upstairs, you boys will share the room, right?”

“Yeah-

“Go on, now.” She takes Pope’s arm on the way out, and Pope looks down at her. “There’s a medkit under the sink.” She whispers, and Pope nods.

“Thanks.”

(Pope is so grateful for his mom.)

JJ is standing by the door, waiting for him, when Heyward comes in from the living room.

“Boys.” He says, and Pope nods his head.

(They’re still trying to figure out how to act around each other after everything that went down.)

“You’re gonna stay with us?” Heyward asks JJ, and JJ nods, scrunching the hat in his hands.

“Pope offered.” JJ says, and Pope looks over to his dad, clearly taking account of all the bruises littering JJ’s face.

“Welcome home, kid.” He says, and it’s nice, he sees JJ smile and then Heyward steps closer, ready to wrap him in a hug or pat his shoulder or something, and JJ steps back, eyes flying to the door, and  _ Christ- _

_ (I’ll kill that piece of shit, I’ll kill him, I swear to God- _

“JJ.” JJ whips around and Pope finds his eyes.

(Wild, and raw, and scared.) 

“We’ll just go upstairs.” Pope says briefly, and he takes JJ’s hand and JJ lets him, so Pope guides him up the stairs and to Pope’s room. He closes the door behind himself.

“JJ-

“I’m fine.” He says quickly, waving his hand. “Fine.” 

(He’s not.) 

“You don’t look-

“Drop it, pope, I said I’m fine.” JJ says, voice cold and eyes hard, so Pope drops it. 

He gives JJ a clean shirt and sweats, and goes to the bathroom while JJ changes to retrieve the medkit. He comes back too early.

JJ is standing in the middle of the room, only wearing Pope’s sweatpants, and  _ what the fuck- _

(Pope thought his face was bad-

“Are those  _ stitches?”  _ Pope asks, and his voice is a bit squeaky, but  _ Christ, what the fuck,  _ there’s a gash on JJ’s side, the skin held together by a thin thread.

(Not to mention how the rest of his body is painted in purples and reds and blues, dark bruises against golden skin.)

JJ flinches, quickly pulling the shirt over his head.

(With a winch, because if Pope had to guess, his shoulder is fucked up.) 

“No.” He says, and Pope is  _ this  _ close to start screaming.

“Sit your ass down.” He says, and JJ does, moving mechanically, then he looks up to Pope, and what’s Pope supposed to do now?

(This was John B’s job.)

He sits down beside JJ on the bed, and JJ’s fingers are tapping on his legs, playing with the hem of Pope’s shirt.

(It’s Pope’s favorite tee, a soft, worn thing, that was once blue and now is just kind of grey.)

“Let me see.” He says, and JJ scoffs.

“‘s nothing, Pope, jus’ leave it-

“It’s  _ not  _ nothing, JJ! Did you stitch yourself up?” He asks, and JJ doesn’t reply immediately, which is an answer in itself.

( _ I'll kill him.) _

“What the fuck, JJ.” 

“It's just a couple of stitches, okay? It’s not that bad-

“Come on, let me see.”

“Pope, I don’t-

(Pope is about to rip out his own hair.)

(JJ drives him  _ crazy _ .)

“I’m trying to help, JJ,  _ please,  _ do it for my sanity, I can’t-

“ _ Fine.”  _ JJ cuts him short, and Pope nods, so JJ takes off the shirt, balling it up in his hand. 

(It’s even worse from up close.)

“Shit, okay.”

He gets to work, drenching some cotton in antiseptic and cleaning the red skin around the stitches. 

“How are your ribs?” Pope asks, because all that bruising can’t mean anything good. JJ clicks his tongue.

“Not great.” He replies.

“Can I check?” JJ nods, chewing the inside of his cheek, and he flinches when Pope’s fingers brush against his skin.

“Sorry.” Pope says, freezing up and looking up to meet JJ’s eyes.

(Have they always been so blue?)

“‘s okay, I’m used to it, John B-

(Pope can see the hurt flash on his face.)

“I’m just used to it.” He ends up saying, and Pope nods. 

(It’s so unfair.)

(It makes Pope’s blood boil.)

He looks away from JJ again, focusing back on his chest, trying to be gentle as possible, and he’s not qualified for this, Christ, and JJ is making these little pained sounds every once in a while, and it’s so not  _ fair _ , JJ deserved so much better than this, and so did John B and Sarah and  _ what the fuck- _

“I think you’ve got a couple of broken ribs.” Pope says, pulling back.

(His hands are shaking.)

(And so are JJ’s.)

( _ Relax, breathe, breathe- _

“Could be worse.” JJ comments, and Pope chews on his bottom lip.

“We should really go to a hospital.” He says, and JJ shakes his head.

“‘s jus’ a couple of bruises, it’s fine, it doesn’t even hurt.” JJ says, waving his hand around.

( _ Liar. _ )

“Let me get you like, some Advil or something.” Pope says, and JJ nods. “And some ice.” 

Pope retrieves everything quickly, even managing to avoid questions from his parents, and when he gets back to his room, JJ is laying down on the bed, an arm thrown over his eyes. 

He clears his voice, and JJ sits up, taking everything from Pope with a small smile.

“Thanks.” He whispers, and then swallows the Advil dry, pressing the ice bag to his side with a low hiss.

“You good?” Pope asks, and JJ nods, huffing a laugh.

Yeah, just fuckin’ cold.” He says, and it makes Pope smile for some reason.

(It’s  _ so good  _ to have him back.)

(Home and safe and where Pope can make sure he’s okay.) 

“You hungry?” Pope asks, and JJ’s head snaps up.

“Starving.”

(He wants to ask when was the last time he ate.)

( _ God.) _

Pope’s mom left them food on the stove, and JJ cleans his plate in half a minute, so Pope ends up pushing up some of his food in his direction.

“I’m not hungry anymore.” He says, and JJ just shrugs, basically inhaling the food.

“Thanks.” He says when they’re done, and then they get back upstairs, where Pope’s mom is setting an inflatable bed on the floor beside Pope’s bed.

**JJ**

“There we go.” Pope’s mom finishes setting the inflatable mattress on the floor, beside Pope’s single bed. 

“Thank you, ma’am.” JJ says quietly, and she smiles at him, cupping his cheek.

(It’s such a motherly gesture.) 

(It leaves him breathless.)

“Try to sleep, boys.” She says, and then she kisses Pope’s cheek, and closes the door behind herself.

(JJ barely remembers his own mom.)

JJ finds his jeans on the floor, and retrieves his cigarettes.

“JJ!” Pope hisses, and he looks up, lighter already in hand.

“What?”    
“What do you think you’re doing?” He asks, and JJ shrugs, walking to the window in Pope’s room. “You can’t do that here.” Pope says, but he already sounds defeated.

(JJ's cheek is still warm from Mrs. Hayward's touch.)

( _ Breathe.) _

JJ throws both his legs over the edge, so he’s sitting on the balcony, the ground two stories below. 

(What if JJ just jumped?)

“Jesus.” It’s all Pope says when JJ lights up. 

The smoke fills his lungs, heavy and acre and familiar.

( _ Breathe.)  _

JJ exhales slowly, watching the smoke make pretty shapes in the air above him. 

He hears Pope scoff, shuffling around to change into his pjs. 

(He wants to turn around.)

(He doesn’t.) 

( _ Breathe.) _

(JJ can’t.) 

JJ smokes through the cigarette much quicker than usually. He lights another.

(It doesn't matter.)

He gets back inside Pope’s room, and the world is swimming a little. 

Pope is standing in the middle of the room, eyes skimming over JJ.

“That’s my favorite tee.” Pope says, gives JJ a soft smile. “Don’t ruin it.” 

(It does things to JJ.)

( _ Shut up, shut up, shut up.) _

“You know I will.” JJ replies, smiling back.

(Pope’s eyes are softer than they’ve ever been.)

(Pope’s shirt smells like him.)

( _ Safe.) _

JJ lays down on the mattress and Pope on his bed, and he turns off the light, so now the room is dark and JJ can’t really see much, but he can hear Pope’s steady breathing a few feet away from him. 

“Goodnight, JJ.” Pope whispers.

“‘Night.” JJ says back, just as quiet. 

_ JJ sees it, far away, bright in the darkness of the ocean. The Phantom. _

_ “John B!” JJ screams, because he knows what’s going happen, he knows, and he needs to get- _

_ There’s rain falling on his face, lightning and thunders shining in the sky.  _

_ They’re going to die. _

_ JJ knows it the same way he knows his name. _

_ “It’s your fault.” JJ whips around to find Luke staring at him, eyes angry.  _

_ “I just wanted to help them.” JJ says, and his voice is so small.  _

_ Luke steps closer, and JJ steps back, and behind him the Phantom crashes against a wave, a wall of water, really, and the boat flips around, and JJ knows it’s sinking.  _

_ “It’s your fault.” Luke growls, but JJ can’t take his eyes away from the Phantom. _

_ “I’m sorry.” He says, and he is, he’s so sorry. “I’m sorry, I didn’t-  _

_ “Always fuck everything up.” JJ turns around, and he sees Luke’s fist flying at his face. _

_ He stays where he is. _

JJ wakes up with a choked scream. He sits up, hands coming up to his face.

( _ Shit, fuck, fuck, fuck- _

His hands are shaking when he runs them through his hair, pulling at the strands, and it’s sharp, it hurts-

“JJ?” 

Pope’s voice is far away.

( _ The beach, the Phantom, sinking- _

(JJ can’t breathe.)

( _ Your fault, your fault, your fault- _

“JJ!” JJ looks up, expects blue eyes like his, angry eyes-

Brown eyes.

(Warm, worried, scared.)

“Pope.” JJ breathes out, and  _ of fucking course. _

(Just a dream.)

( _ It wasn’t real, it wasn’t real, it wasn’t real- _

(Except that is  _ was,  _ because the Phantom  _ has  _ sunk to the bottom of the fucking ocean, and Luke  _ will  _ kill him eventually, and it  _ is  _ JJ’s fault-

“Jesus, JJ, you need to breathe slower, okay? You’re having a panic attack-

“I know.” JJ huffs, because he does.

(He’s familiar.) 

JJ covers his eyes with his hands, sees bright dots behind his eyelids, pulls at his hair again-

(Sharp and real.) 

_ (Breathe.)  _

He can’t, he can’t breathe,  _ fuck- _

Pope takes his hands, pulling them away from his hair.

JJ lets him.

(He doesn’t look at him.) 

(He can’t, panic closing his throat, chest burning, and he’s shaking, and it’s pathetic and fucked up, JJ is-

“JJ, look at me, hey.” 

(JJ could never tell him no.) 

“Did you know sea otters hold hands when they sleep?” Pope asks, and he squeezes JJ’s hand.

“What?” JJ chokes out. 

“Yeah. So they don’t drift apart. They hold hands.” Pope repeats, and gives JJ a small smile. “Like, they even wrap sea plants around each other to stay close. Did you know that?” 

“No.” JJ says, because he never knows what the fuck Pope’s talking about.

(Too smart for his own good.) 

“And did you know that turtles can breathe through their butt?” 

It makes JJ snort. 

“You’re- you’re kidding, right?” Pope’s smile grows bigger.

“Nope, all true. Google it.” He says, like it’s a challenge, and it makes JJ laugh for some reason.

(He’s losing his mind.) 

“That’s so fuckin’ weird.” 

“Yeah, it is.” Pope nods, and keeps on spewing more absurd facts about animals, and JJ lets him.

(Pope’s voice is grounding and soft and he’s still holding JJ’s hand.) 

Pope talks for, like, forever, and JJ listens, manages to get his breathing under control, and at some points Pope stops talking, so now they're just sitting in front of each other, holding hands. 

(JJ’s stupid heart is doing cartwheels.)

( _ Get a grip.) _

(Pope and Kie are together, Jesus Christ.) 

(It hurts.)

(JJ tries to not think about it.) 

JJ rubs his eyes, fingers itching for a cigarette.

(Or another blunt.) 

“You okay?” Pope asks, and JJ nods, plastering a smile on his face.

“Just peachy, bro.” He says, and he knows Pope doesn’t buy it. 

“JJ-

(JJ is tired.)

“Drop it, Pope. It’s fine.” 

“Wanna talk about it?” He asks, because why wouldn’t he.

(Pope has always been way too good.) 

(Especially for someone like him.)

( _ Jesus.) _

“Not really.” He replies a beat too late, and Pope nods.

“We should sleep.” He says, and yes, that sounds good. 

JJ is absolutely exhausted.

(He knows he won’t sleep anymore tonight.)

It’s like four in the morning.

Pope gets up, and doesn’t let go of JJ’s hand, pulling him up with him.

“Pope?” He asks, because then Pope is laying on his bed, taking JJ with him.

(JJ shouldn’t, he  _ really  _ shouldn’t.)

(There are so many reasons why he shouldn’t.) 

(But he’s weak.)

He lays down beside Pope, and it’s a single bed, so they’re pressed up against each other, side to side. 

(JJ’s heart is beating so fucking loud.)

( _ Get a grip, he doesn’t like you like that, Jesus.)  _

“Good?” Pope asks, and JJ doesn’t know how to tell him that this is what he’s been dreaming about for months.

“Yeah.” He ends up saying, and he feels Pope nod beside him. 

(Would it be too much to take Pope’s hand again?)

(JJ really doesn’t want to overstep.)

(He _ really  _ can’t afford to mess this up.)

He turns his face to look at Pope, and he’s just staying there, eyes closed and lips parted, and  _ fuck- _

(It’s so unfair that he looks so good.) 

(Not that JJ can see much in the darkness of the room.)

(But if he’s being honest, which doesn’t happen all that often, he knows Pope’s face better than his own.) 

(The sharp line of his jaw, the gentle curve of his lips, always chapped and dry, heavy eyes and miles of dark skin.) 

_ (Fuck it.) _

JJ reaches between them, and finds Pope’s hand, still warm and clammy. 

(To be fair, it’s really fucking hot in the room.) 

Pope squeezes his hand, and JJ thinks he sees a small smile playing on Pope’s lips.

(Maybe he’s making it all up.) 

“Sleep, JJ.” Pope says.

JJ does. 

***   
JJ wakes up to the sun filtering through the windows.

(Everything is warm and fuzzy.)

Then he realizes he’s got Pope wrapped all around him, and his stomach sinks to the floor.

( _ God.) _

JJ has his head on his chest, and he can feel Pope’s steady heartbeat under his ear, and Pope’s shirt has lifted during the night, exposing a bit of his stomach, and  _ God- _

JJ can’t do this. He just can’t. 

(It’s so fucked up, Pope is _in love_ with Kie, and _what the_ _fuck-_

He has to get out.

( _ To go where?) _

(Stupid John B.)

(He just  _ had  _ to go and get himself killed, didn’t he?) 

(JJ hates himself a lot sometimes.) 

( _ All the time.) _

He extricates himself from Pope’s grip, trying to not wake him up. Pope only grunts a little, turning on his side, and JJ slips quietly out of the room. 

He walks downstairs.

(He feels jittery and shaky and sick.) 

Hayward is in the kitchen, reading the newspaper, and it’s right there on the front page, JJ sees it as soon as he enters the room. 

_ Fugitives John Booker Rutledge and Sarah Cameron presumed dead at sea. _

(It’s too much, the world is spinning around him, JJ feels dizzy-

“JJ, good morning.” Heyward’s voice cuts through the silence, and JJ snaps his eyes up to him. 

“Hello.” He chokes out, and he’s going to puke. 

“Come sit, have some food.” Heyward pushes a bag of cereal and milk in his direction, and JJ moves mechanically, grabbing a bowl from above the sink and pouring some cereal in it.

(His hands are shaking so much he almost misses completely.) 

“How you doin’, kid?” Heyward asks, and he sounds like he genuinely cares, and it might be the first time an adult has given two shits about him.

(It’s really fucking depressing if JJ thinks about it.) 

“Jus’ fine, sir.” He replies, keeps his eyes down, and Heyward nods, getting up.

(JJ can’t help it, he tracks the man’s movement with his eyes.)

(Logically, he knows Heyward isn’t like his dad, but JJ is too on edge, a ball of nervous energy, and his head is pounding-

Then Heyward walks behind him, and JJ sees it with the corner of his vision, sees him lift a hand, and he  _ knows  _ Heyward is just going to pat him on the shoulder,  _ God,  _ he  _ knows  _ that, but-

JJ is on his feet in a second, slipping away from his touch. 

He smiles, big and bright.

“Well, thank you for having me. I’ll be out of your hair and on my way, then.” 

“JJ, you can-

(JJ can’t take it.)

“Bye and thank you, again.” He says, and then he’s out of the house, and whatever Heyward was going to say is lost forever. 

He’s outside then, the sun is hot and the air is stale.

(It sticks to his lungs, humid and suffocating.)

“JJ!” 

( _ God, why?) _

JJ turns around and Pope is standing in the doorway.

(There’s a thin layer of sweat on his skin, eyes big and dark.)

(JJ really can't do this, he can’t stay-

(God, Pope deserves so much better.)

( _ Someone like Kie.) _

He turns back around, the sun blinding above them.

Then someone takes his wrist.

“Pope-

“You’re leaving.”

(Pope has this way of saying things, like they’re supposed to be questions, but it always sounds like he’s just stating a fact.)

(Not that he’s wrong.)

“Yeah.” He says, because there’s no point in lying.

(And Pope can always tell when he’s spewing bullshit anyway.)

“Why?”

(JJ wouldn’t even know where to begin from.)

“I can’t stay here.”

Pope’s fingers are warm on his wrist.

( _ It hurts too much.) _

“Of course you can.” JJ scoffs, looks away, wishes he had something to smoke.

“I can’t live off your parents like that.”

“ _ That’s  _ the problem? My dad will give you a job-

“Pope-

“What’s the problem, JJ?”

( _ The problem  _ is that JJ has been desperately in love with him for a while.)

“Why would I stay?” 

It’s too harsh.

(JJ knows it as soon as he sees the hurt in Pope’s eyes.)

He lets go off JJ.

( _ Stay.) _

“You have nowhere to go.” 

(It’s true.)

Pope takes a deep breath.

“We have to stick together, okay? We lost-

“Don’t-

“Sarah and John B are  _ dead.”  _ Pope’s eyes are shining with tears, and he’s breathing fast, panicked.

JJ turns around, running his fingers through his hair.

He throws a punch to a pole. 

( _ God.) _

(He wonders if it will ever get better.)

There’s blood on his hand.

“I can’t lose another friend, JJ.” Pope’s voice cracks. “I can’t, JJ, I can’t do it-

“Pope-

“Jesus, it’s so messed up, it’s all so  _ fuckin’- _

“ _ Pope.”  _ Pope’s eyes snap up to him, and he’s panting. JJ puts his hands on Pope’s shoulders, squeezes. “Breathe.” 

“I can’t.” Pope says, eyes going big and wide, and then he steps back, bends over, hands on his knees. “Shit.” 

( _ Christ.) _

“Pope, hey, listen to me okay, focus on me.” JJ says, and he doesn’t know why the words feel so heavy on his tongue. 

(Pope’s eyes are glassy, a bit lost.) 

“Hey, it’s going to be okay, yeah? We’ll get through it, you hear me? I got you, Pope, I’m not goin’ anywhere-

“ _ JJ- _

He pulls Pope in, and Pope comes, lets JJ wrap him in a bone-crushing hug.

(It has no business feeling this good.)

“You’re okay, Pope, you’re good, breathe for me, yeah? In and out- like that, again, good, good man, again-

It goes on for a while, but eventually Pope seems to get his breathing under control, and he goes slack against JJ.

He holds him up, holds him close, tighter.

“You’re okay.” He says again, running his hand through his hair. 

(Pope is shaking in his arms.)

“Sorry.” Pope mumbles against his shoulder.

(God, it’s all so fucked up.)

(Pope’s fingers dig in his shoulder, real and desperate.)

(Pope deserves so much better than this, they all did.)

( _ Fuck.) _

“It’s okay, man, don’t worry.”

Pope holds on to him for a while longer.

(JJ isn’t upset in the least.)

(He wishes he could hold him forever.)

Eventually, Pope pulls back, and JJ’s fingers linger longer than strictly necessary on his skin.

“Stay.” Pope says, then, looking him directly in the eyes.

JJ knows he’s lost.

(He can’t leave him and Kie like this.)

(They’re really all he has left.)

“Yeah, okay, you’re right.”

(The smile Pope gives him could light up an entire room.) 

Pope wipes away his cheeks, even though there are no tears there. 

“Jesus.” He whispers.

“I’m sorry.” JJ says back, and Pope shakes his head.

(He is sorry, God, he’s so sorry-

“Don’t, JJ, just- don’t.” 

“Yeah, okay, yeah.” 

It’s Pope that hugs him this time.

“And thanks.” 

(JJ can feel his hot breath against his neck.)

(It makes JJ’s stomach drop.)

“‘s cool, you did the same for me.” 

“Right.”

Pope pulls back, staring hard at him.

“I mean it, JJ.”

( _ Stay.) _

“I couldn’t leave you, bro, the Kooks would kick your ass all the way to Kansas without me.”

“My hero.” Pope deadpans, and JJ smiles.

(And it doesn’t feel too forced.)

“Come on, Kie wants to see you.”

“Nice, I love thidwheeling.” Pope punches him lightly on the arm, blush spreading on his cheeks.

“Shut up, it’s not- it’s not like that.”

“Then how is it like?”

“We haven’t talked about it yet.”   
“What’s there to talk about?”

“I don’t know- let’s just go.” 

“Like, now?”

“Yeah, now.”

**POPE**

Kie hugs them both so tight that Pope can’t breathe.

“You’re a fuckin’ idiot, JJ.” She says, eyes wet. 

JJ has the decency of looking ashamed.

“Sorry.”

“You better be, disappearing like that. You could have been dead in a ditch for all we knew.”

(Pope doesn’t even want to picture it.)

“Nah, can’t get rid of me that easily, I’m like- like a cockroach. Immortal.”

“Disgusting.”

“Thank you.” Kie punches him on the arm, and JJ smiles down at her, and it feels like everything is okay for a second.

“Idiot.” Kie steps back then, glancing at Pope. JJ clears his throat. 

“Right.” JJ says, and Pope doesn't get it until JJ whips out his cigarettes. “Well, I’ll be by the beach, yell if you need anything.”

(Guess it’s time to talk about it.)

Kie looks nervous.

(She’s fidgeting, playing with her necklace.)

“So.” Pope says, and it’s entirely too inadequate. “How have you been?”

“It was a mistake.” Kie says then, looking up into his eyes.

Pope blinks.

“What?”

“The kiss. It was a mistake.” She repeats, and it’s not what he expected.

“Why- it  _ wasn’t  _ a mistake, what-

“We were both very upset, with all that went down, and I think that we both wanted some comfort, but it was wrong-

“ _ Wrong?”  _ Pope can’t quite keep the anger off his voice. “I  _ like  _ you, Kie.” 

“No, you don’t.”

“I think I’d know better.” He says, glaring at her, and Kie shaker her head. 

“We’re better off as friends, Pope, and you know it-

“Why did you kiss me then?”

“‘Cause I was scared! But you’re my best friend-

“This is ridiculous.” Pope says, and he really wants to punch something. “Fuck this, and fuck  _ you _ , Kie.”

“Oh really, you’re gonna go there, Pope? Real classy-

“At least I don’t go around kissing random people for fun.” He throws back, and it’s mean, Pope knows it is, but he can’t help it.

(There’s too much going on in his head, in his chest.)

(He’s angry, and hurt, and feels humiliated, and  _ God- _

He turns around and he walks away.

“Fuck you, Pope, you’re an asshole.” Kie yells behind him, and Pope can hear the tears in her voice.

(He feels like shit.)

“Bro, what did you do?” JJ appears at his side, eyes big and worried.

“Fuck off.” He says curtly, and JJ seems taken aback for a second.

(Pope really can’t look at him anymore.)

(It stirs too many emotions, and he’s got enough to deal with already.)

“Pope, hey, slow down, you need to talk to her-

“Well, I don’t want to.” He says.

(And he knows that he should, that he should turn back and apologize but he can’t bring himself to do it.)

(It stings.)

( _ You don’t like me.) _

Kie’s words echo in his mind, and it’s bulshit, it has to be, because Pope likes Kie, of course he does, she’s smart and pretty and the obvious choice, the easy choice-

“Come on, let’s go, then.” JJ says, and Pope glances at him.

(Blonde hair catching the sun, eyes shining bright.)

( _ You don’t like me.) _

It’s impossible, of course Pope likes her, who else would he like otherwise-

JJ takes his hand and guides him away from The Wreck, back to their secret spot at the beach. He sits down on the wet sand, patting the space next to him.

Pope sits down.

JJ rolls a joint, lighting up quickly. He holds it out for Pope to take.

Pope does. 

He breathes in, choking on the smoke immediately after.

“Easy, tiger, easy.” 

(JJ’s voice is soothing, calm.)

“What happened?” JJ asks, and Pope takes another drag. It goes better this time, the smoke burning in his lungs.

“I think she broke up with me.” Pope answers, and JJ whistles lowly.

“Shit, man.” 

“I don’t understand.”

(He really doesn’t.)

(The two of them make  _ sense,  _ there’s logic behind it, it’s the expected outcome, so  _ why- _

(Pope hates not understanding.) 

( _ You don't like me.) _

“Some things just don’t make sense.” JJ says, wrapping an arm around Pope’s shoulder. 

Pope lets JJ hold him up, leaning on him.

(Warm and steady and strong.)

Pope feels tears pooling in his eyes. 

“Everything is so fuckin’ messed up.” He whispers.

(It’s all going to shit and Pope can't do anything to stop it.)

JJ pulls him closer, cups his cheek, forces him to lift his face.

“Yo, Pope, man, it’ll be okay, you hear me? We’ll figure it all out, okay? You’ll be fine, I promise.”

Pope likes to think he can tell when JJ is lying.

(His eyes are too blue, earnest and soft in a way Pope has never seen him.)

Pope has to look away.

“Yeah, yeah, okay.” 

JJ brushes his thumb over Pope’s cheek.

Pope lets his eyes close, just for a second.

( _ Breathe.) _

“You’re good, man, you’re good.” JJ says, and then he pulls back, so Pope opens his eyes again.

(Pink lips and blue eyes, flushed cheeks and blonde hair.)

“Wanna go home?” JJ asks, and Pope shakes his head.

(The thought of being stuck inside the house almost drives him crazy.)

“Wanna surf?” He asks instead, and JJ smiles, eyes glistening.

“Fuck yeah, I do.”

The day goes like that, and Pope can focus on the waves long enough that he doesn’t have to think about the scholarship, and Kie, and Sarah Cameron, and John B.

(There’s only space for the waves, the wind blowing in his face, and JJ by his side, cracking jokes and beating Pope in all the competitions they make up.)

(Bright, and happy, and free.)

(Pope misses all this so much.)

By the time the sun is going down, Pope is laying on the beach, JJ smoking beside him.

“I needed this.” Pope says, and he hears JJ snort.

“Always happy to provide a service.” He says, and Pop hears the click of the lighter, the smell of the weed filling the air. 

When he offers, Pope refuses.

(The last thing he needs is an addiction.) 

“Suit yourself.” JJ says quietly, and Pope turns to look at him.

(He watches his throat bob when he breathes in, and then watches him blow out the smoke.)

(Eyes closed and wet hair falling on his face.)

( _ Pretty.) _

_ (You don’t like me.) _

Pope looks away.

_ (What the fuck.) _

“We should go, my mom wants us home for dinner.”

(The sunset washes everything in red and yellow.)

(It paints JJ’s skin in gold and warmth, blond hair catching the light.)

( _ Jesus.) _

“Yeah, a minute, bro- enjoy the view.”

Pope looks back at the ocean, watches the sun slowly disappear behind the horizon.

(It’s nice.)

Pope is laying in bed, staring at the ceiling. JJ is snoring softly on the mattress on the floor

He can’t sleep.

(He’s absolutely exhausted, but the day keeps replaying his head.)

(He feels bad.)

He should apologize to Kie. 

He behaved like an absolute asshole, Kie is his friend, and he can’t afford to lose her.

(He’s such an idiot.)

Then JJ makes a low sound, almost a moan, breath quickening and brows furrowed.

“JJ?” He whispers, even though he knows it won’t work.

(He’s shivering, fists clenched, a thin layer of sweat over his skin.)

“JJ, hey, wake up.” Pope sits up, kneeling down beside him. “JJ.”

He hesitates a second before taking his shoulder and shaking him lightly.

JJ instantly sits up, hands coming up to touch his own neck, as he tries to scramble away from Pope, but getting tangled in the sheets instead.

“Jesus, JJ, hey-

JJ looks up.

(His eyes are dark, heavy.)

(It freezes Pope’s blood.)

“JJ, hey, you’re home, you’re okay, it was a nightmare.” Pope says, and JJ pulls at his hair then, so strong that it must hurt, and it makes Pope’s stomach sink to the floor.

“JJ.” He whispers again.

(He wants to reach out.)

(JJ looks like he might just shatter in a million pieces.)

JJ looks lost, eyes screwed shut and knees drawn to his chest.

(He looks small like this, smaller than he should.)

( _ Talk.) _

It did work last night.

“Did you know that in  [ Alaska ](https://www.thefactsite.com/alaska-facts/) it’s illegal to whisper in someone’s ear while they’re moose hunting?” 

JJ’s head snaps up, eyes watery. 

“What?” He croaks out. Pope nods, and he moves slowly, reaching forward to take JJ’s hands away from his hair.

“Yeah, apparently they really don’t want to be disturbed.” JJ scoffs, and Pope squeezes his hands.

(JJ’s hands are still shaking in his.)

“That’s so dumb.” JJ whispers, voice cracking a little, and Pope nods, forcing a smile. 

“It’s Alaska, they’re weird.”

“Look who’s talking.” JJ says, and there’s a small smile playing on his lips, and Pope snorts, shrugging.

“You’re being rude.” JJ shakes his head, hair flopping in front of his eyes.

He takes a deep breath, then another.

“Jesus.” 

“You okay?”

“Yeah.” He replies, and Pope doesn’t buy it.

He gets up, never letting go of JJ’s hand, and lays down on his bed, taking JJ with him.

(It’s hot, and Pope can already feel himself starting to sweat, but it feels good to have JJ so close.)

(He smells of smoke and salt and sun.)

(It’s a smell Pope instinctively associates with JJ.)

“What was it about?” Pope asks, and he feels JJ tense up beside him.

He squeezes his hand, just a second.

(Maybe he shouldn’t press, maybe JJ really doesn’t want to tell him, what if he gets mad, what if-

“The Phantom.” JJ replies quietly, and Pope turns his face to look at him.

(JJ is staring at the ceiling, a storm behind his eyes.)

“JJ-

“It’s my fault.” JJ says, the same way he would talk about the grocery shopping list.

Pope sucks in a sharp breath. 

"What are you talking about?" He asks, and he already knows what JJ is going to say.

(Always blaming himself, always taking the fall for his friends.)

(Loyal to a fault.)

"I gave them the Phantom, I told him where to go, what to do and now-

JJ's voice cracks and he stops talking, fists clenched at his sides.

(He's shaking like a leaf.)

JJ sits up and Pope follows him, and JJ is breathing too fast.

(Eyes dark and wide and lost.)

"JJ, hey, look at me." JJ shakes his head, so Pope cups his cheek and turns his face.

(There are tears in JJ's eyes.)

(His skin is warm under Pope's hand.)

"It wasn't your fault." Pope speaks clearly, tries to put as much emotion behind the words as he possibly can. "We did it together, JJ. What happened was your fault as much as mine or Kie's."

JJ shakes his head, and he pulls his hand free from Pope's, rolls out of the bed.

"You don't understand." He growls, shaking his head.

Pope can see the anger rolling off him in waves.

(And can see the hurt in his eyes.)

"You don't get it, they're  _ dead _ because of  _ me." _

"It wasn't your fault, JJ, you were just trying to help them."

JJ laughs.

(A hollow sound, bitter and void.)

(It’s so not JJ, and it chills Pope’s blood.)

"That's right, that's fuckin'  _ typical _ , really, that's what I do, ain't it?" JJ runs his hand through his hair, and then he turns around, he punches the wall, once, twice-

"JJ!" Pope steps between the wall and JJ, arms raised in front of himself.

(JJ looks like he might just hit Pope as well, arm half-raised and hand balled up into a fist.)

He doesn't. 

He turns around again, avoiding Pope's eyes and he makes a strangled sound, a mix of frustration and anger and sadness. 

(It's a mix Pope knows all too well.)

"Let me see your hand." Pope says, because there's blood on the wall.

"'S fine, man." JJ says, and he's not even facing Pope.

(It’s so  _ not  _ fine.) 

(JJ is still shaking.)

“Not everything is your fault.” Pope says, and JJ whips around to glare at him. “John B would have found a boat even without us, you know that.” 

JJ doesn’t say anything, he stares at Pope for another minute, then he reaches for his cigarettes and goes to sit on the balcony. 

Pope steps closer.

(He’s not sure he's allowed to touch JJ.)

(Pope is not used to seeing JJ so vulnerable.)

“It’s just- I just- I-  _ shit.”  _ JJ curses quietly, takes a long drag from his cigarette, and Pope watches the tip burn in the darkness.

He sits down on the floor, beside JJ.

(He doesn’t touch him.)

“It’s so  _ fuckin’  _ unfair.” JJ whispers, and Pope gets it.

“I know.” He says.

(He feels tears starting to well up in his eyes, and he has to blink them away.)

He looks at JJ instead.

(Mouth pressed into a thin line, eyes dark and stormy.)

(The moonlight keeps catching in his hair, turning it almost white.)

They don’t say anything for some time.

At some point, JJ gets up and holds his hand out for Pope. He takes it, lets JJ pull him to his feet.

(He doesn’t let go of his hand.)

“Sleep.” JJ says by way of explanation, and they quietly climb in Pope’s bed again, just like they did last night. 

(JJ’s skin is warm against Pope’s.)

“Sorry, ‘bout all that.” JJ whispers in the darkness, and Pope squeezes his hand again.

“‘s okay.” He says, and it doesn’t feel like it’s enough. “I meant it, JJ. It wasn’t your fault.”

He feels JJ swallow hard beside him, exhaling a deep breath, but he doesn’t reply, so Pope figures the conversation is over.

Then JJ turns on his side.

(Pope can feel his breath ghosting on his lips.)   
(JJ smells like smoke and toothpaste.)

Pope lets go of his hand, lifts one arm and JJ gets under it, curling against Pope’s side.

“‘night, Pope.” JJ says quietly, and Pope feels it on his skin.

“‘night, JJ.” 

(Pope falls asleep to JJ’s regular breathing and warmth.)

***

Pope enters the Wreck and he doesn’t really know what to do.

Kie spots him immediately, and Pope sees her faltering in her steps, glaring at him.

“What do you want?” She asks.

(She sounds mad.)

(Pope really can’t blame her.)

“Can we talk?” He asks, and Kie glances at her dad behind the counter.

(The man is staring at Pope like he’s trying to end him right there and then.)

(Pope looks away.)

“Yeah.” She says in the end, sounding a bit defeated.

( _ God,  _ Pope is such a shit friend.)

Kie leads him to the back of the restaurant, to a spot where Pope knows no one will bother them.

(His heart is racing in his chest, and he really doesn’t know what to say.)

(He fucked up so bad yesterday.)

(He wishes JJ was here, he always knows how to ease the tension.)

“I’m sorry.” He blurts out then, because he is and he doesn’t know where else to start. “I was an asshole to you, and you didn’t deserve it.” He talks fast, tripping on his own words, and he can’t really look at Kie in the eyes while he talks, and  _ God,  _ why is he so awkward, and what now-

“Pope, stop, I can literally see the smoke from your ears.” Pope looks up then, finding a small smile playing on Kie’s lips.

(He feels himself relax, the tension leaving his body.)

“Sorry.” He says again, and Kie nods, sighing.

“I’m sorry too.” She says, biting her bottom lip.

(Now she’s the one staring at the ground, playing with the hem of her shirt.)

“I shouldn’t have kissed you.”

(It still stings a bit.”

“That bad?” He says, forcing a laugh, but Kie shakes her head.

“It wasn’t you Pope, I- uh-

“Save it Kie, you don’t need to explain yourself-

“I’m gay.” She says quickly, looking up to him with wide eyes.

(It’s not what Pope was expecting.)

“Uh.” 

( _ Very eloquent, Pope, good job.) _

“I mean- uh, since when?” Kie snorts then, shoulders relaxing.

(He hadn’t really noticed how tense she was until she’s not anymore.)

“I, uhm, might have had a crush on Sarah.” She says, and her eyes turn glassy.

( _ Jesus.) _

“Christ, Kie, I’m so sorry.” He says, and he is. She shakes her head.

“It’s okay, I got over it a while ago, but- still fucking sucks, you know?”

(Pope knows.)

He pulls her in then, wrapping his arms around her, and Kie rests her head on his shoulders, and it feels good to hold her like this.

They stay like that for a while.

(Holding each other up.)

Then Kie pulls back, wipes her cheeks and smiles.

“I have to go back in.” She says. “But why don’t we go out tomorrow? The three of us.” Pope nods.

“Yeah, okay. I’ll tell JJ.”   
“How is he doing?” She asks, and Pope sees worry flash in her eyes.

“Not good.” Pope answers, and it hurts.

(This whole thing hurts like hell, and Pope is so  _ tired.) _

“We’ll get through it, Pope, okay?” Pope nods, and she stands on her toes to kiss his cheek, and that’s that.

He waves her goodbye, and walks to the beach, where JJ is waiting for him with beers, a cigarette burning between his lips.

(The sun paints him in gold and warmth.)

(Hair flowing in the wind, and eyes clear.)

(Flushed cheeks and pink lips.)

(He looks good.) 

“Hey, how did it go?” JJ asks when Pope sits down beside him. He takes the beer JJ is offering, takes a long sip.

“We’re good.” He replies, and JJ nods. 

“Good, I hate being the mediator.” 

“You didn’t do anything.” 

“And you’re welcome.” JJ smirks at him, then gets up, pulls off his tank top and holds one hand out for Pope.

(The bruises are still there, fading purple on golden skin.)

“Let’s go swimming.”

(Pope doesn’t think he could tell him no even if he wanted to.)

(Not when JJ is looking at him like that.)

He takes JJ’s hand.

“Race you.” JJ says, running towards the water, and Pope follows, watching JJ dive in head first. He comes back up a few seconds later, pushing his wet hair out of his face.

(His smile is so bright that Pope has to look away.)

(His heart is doing funny things in his chest and he doesn’t like that one bit.)

They spend the rest of the day on the beach, soaking up the sun and the salt and it feels good.

(It feels like being in a bubble.) 

(It almost feels like it should be.)

(But JJ doesn’t smile as much as he should, and Pope can’t really look at the boats at the horizon.) 

Some time later, when the sun has gone down, JJ stands up. 

“Let’s go home?” He asks, and Pope nods. “Good, I’m fuckin’ starving.”   
“You’re always hungry, JJ.” 

(He tries to not think about that too hard.)

“I’m still growing, okay?” Pope scoffs, breath catching when JJ smirks at him.

_ (Fuck.) _

When they make it home, Pope’s mom is cleaning up the kitchen. 

“There’s some food on the stove, boys.” She says, kissing Pope’s cheek on her way upstairs.

“Thanks.” JJ says, helping himself to a huge plate of chicken rice. Pope does the same, and then they sit down at the table, side by side.

(JJ’s knee is pressed against his.)

(His hair is still wet, falling over his eyes.) 

Pope’s phone starts ringing, pulling him out of his head.

“You’re possibly the only teenager who has their ringtone on.” JJ comments around a mouthful of food, and Pope flips him off.

“Hey, Kie.” He says in the phone. 

“ _ They’re alive, Pope, they’re alive, they’re- _

“What?” Pope’s voice comes out as a whisper and then JJ is staring at him with worry in his eyes. 

(It doesn’t make sense.)

“Kie, what the fuck?” He asks, and Kie laughs on the other end.

(It sounds like she’s crying.)

(Maybe she is.)

(Pope surely feels his own eyes filling with tears.)

“Dude, you’re scaring me.” JJ says, putting one hand on Pope’s knees. He puts the phone on speaker.

“Kie, say it again.” He says, and Kie laughs again, wet and cracked.

“ _ They’re alive!”  _ She screams in the phone, and JJ’s eyes snap up to his. “ _ John B just called the restaurant, they’re in the Bahamas, they made it, they’re alive, guys.”  _

“Oh my God.” Pope says, and then he’s smiling, and JJ is smiling too, and they’re laughing and JJ hugs him so Pope just rests his head on JJ’s shoulders and lets go. 

(JJ holds him up.)

(Solid and strong and steady under his fingers.)

“ _ I’m coming over.”  _ Kie says and Pope nods, which is stupid because Kie can’t see him, but the world is spinning and his chest feels tight and it doesn't really matter anyway.

(Kie always does whatever she wants.) 

Kie hangs up.

JJ and Pope don’t move until she gets there.

(Pope doesn’t let go and JJ doesn’t pull away.)

(It feels so good.)

Kie texts them to let them know she’s outside, so Pope has to pull back. 

(JJ’s hands linger a beat too long on Pope’s face.)

(It sets Pope’s blood on fire.) 

They meet her outside, and JJ wraps her up in his arms first, holding her close to his chest, and Kie lets out a sound between a sob and a laugh, so Pope just wraps his arms around them both.

(It’s awfully similar to the bathtub hug, but the circumstances are significantly different.) 

(Better,  _ so  _ much better.)

They stay like that for an eternity, just holding each other up.

JJ is the first one to pull away.

(There’s a glint into his eyes, almost like it used to be.) 

“So? What now?” He asks, materializing a cigarette out of his pockets. Kie takes a deep breath.

(There are makeup stains under her eyes, but she looks happy.) 

“John B called and told me they survived the storm and somehow hitchhiked a ride to the Bahamas on a random boat, and are now working with some guy from the FBI to clear their names and get the gold.” She speaks fast, words tumbling out of her mouth.

“What the fuck.” JJ asks, and honestly, Pope feels the same. “What guy from the FBI? I thought they were tryna arrest ‘em.” 

“I don’t know, John B wasn’t very clear on the deets. Apparently some guy there believed what Sarah was telling them and now they’re investigating Cameron too.” 

“So they can come back?” Pope asks, and Kie shakes her head.

“Not yet, they still think they can get the gold.” 

“John B never knew when to give up.” JJ whispers, but he’s smiling softly. 

“Is there anything we can do to help?” Pope asks, and Kie shrugs.

“John B just said to wait for them. He said they’re handling it.” JJ laughs again at that, throwing back his head.

(His hair looks lighter in the moonlight.)

(Silver, almost.)

(Eyes clear and wet.)

“Typical of John B.” He says, and realization downs on Pope. 

(He knows JJ, he knows what he’s thinking.) 

(He doesn’t say anything, not yet.) 

“I still can’t believe they’re okay.” Kie says, and Pope nods, putting an arm around her shoulders.

(He has to remind himself that they’re not fighting anymore, that they’re okay and it doesn’t have to be awkward.)

(Kie is his best friend.)

Kie leans into him, resting her head on his shoulder, and JJ glances at them for a second, before looking away.

“Well, I gotta go, I told my dad I was just going to the grocery store. Can I borrow, like, some cereal?” She asks, and Pope nods. 

They go back in the kitchen, and Pope hands her a bag of cereal and she nods, kisses them both on the cheek and then she’s gone. 

It’s quiet. 

Pope turns to look at JJ, finds the other already staring at him.

(It makes his stomach do weird things.)

(Pope isn’t ready to admit what it might mean.) 

“Let’s go upstairs.” He says instead, and JJ nods, follows him up the stairs.

JJ sits down on the balcony as soon as Pope closes the door, pulling another cigarette from his pants. 

(Pope knows what JJ is thinking.) 

“You’re not going to the Bahamas.”

JJ’s head snaps towards him.

(Eyes so intense that Pope wants to look away.)

(He doesn’t.) 

“How did you even know I was thinking about that?” He asks, a small smile pulling at the corners of his lips. Pope can feel blush creep on his cheeks.

“Because I know you.” 

(Then it’s JJ that’s blushing.)

(And it makes Pope feel all weird and flustered for  _ no  _ reason.)

JJ isn’t smiling anymore.

“I  _ have  _ to go.” He says, and Pope shakes his head.   
“You said you would stay.” 

( _ Please.) _

“John B needs me.”

(JJ has always been loyal to a fault.)

(And John B has always been his entire family.)

“John B told us to stay here.” 

“I know but-

“ _ But  _ nothing, JJ, there’s nothing we can do, just wait.” JJ rolls his eyes, slams his fis against the wall. 

(It makes Pope flinch.)

“What if they need help? What if something goes wrong, and they’re alone, and we can't help them because we’re halfway across the fuckin’ word?” 

(Pope gets it, God, he does.)

(The overwhelming anxiety closing his throat, the powerlessness, the concept that there’s nothing he can do to fix things.)

(It’s how he felt when JJ stood up in the damn bathtub.)

It’s why Pope steps closer to JJ.

(Refuses to be pushed away.)

JJ lets him.

(He’s got such a wild look in his eyes that Pope half thinks he’s going to swim all the way to the Bahamas.)

But JJ doesn’t run. 

(He stares at JJ, eyes so blue and earnest and raw.)

Pope takes his hands between his, brushing his thumb over bruised knuckles and rough skin, over the uneven edges of his rings and the smoother skin of his wrists.

“Stay.” 

(It’s all he can bring himself to say.)

(His chest feels too tight.)

JJ is silent for a few seconds.

(An eternity.)

“Since you asked so nicely.” He says in the end, and relief washes over him.

( _ Thank God.) _

“Asshole.” JJ smirks, and it lights up his face.

(The entire fuking room.)

( _ God, what the fuck.) _

He lets go of JJ’s hand, and something weird flashes in JJ's eyes, something Pope can’t place, dark and warm at the same time, so he looks away instead, heart racing and palms sweating.

( _ Jesus fucking Christ, what.) _

“Wanna sleep?” He asks, doesn’t look at JJ, still sees him shake his head.

(Somehow, he's always aware of JJ, of all his movements, all the things he doesn’t say.)

“Got a better idea.” JJ replies, a glint in his eyes.

(It makes Pope’s stomach do weird things.)

“Like what?”

JJ whips out a small bag of weed from his jeans, along with papers and filters.

“Can we go to the roof?”

“I-uh- what? Why?”

“To knit a scarf, what do you think? Jesus, Pope, sometimes I swear your brain just goes in standby.”

“Well, there are no stairs, if that's what you were hoping.” Pope says, crossing his arms on his chest. He glares at JJ, but JJ only laughs at him, loud and bright, and  _ fuck. _

“Cool, we’ll climb then.” He opens the window, sits down on the balcony, legs hanging over nothing.

“You’ll get yourself killed.”

“ _ We  _ will get ourselves killed, Pope, damn, this is a team effort. You coming?” 

“Do I have a choice?”

“Not really.”

“Thought so.” Pope sighs, watching JJ stand up slowly and turning around to lift his arms and grab the edge of the roof above him. “Jesus, be careful.”

“I always am.” JJ says, smile pulling at his lips. 

Then he pushes himself up, arms tensing and muscles straining, he grunts, lifts himself off his feet and three seconds later he’s gone.

Pope waits, holding his breath.

(Can’t move, can’t breath, fear turning his stomach upside down.)

“JJ?” He manages to say, and then JJ’s head appears in the window, upside down. “Christ, man, you scared the shit out of me.”

“Aw, Pope, I'm okay, I promise. Get up here, come on, I’ll help you.” 

Pope sits down on the balcony, stands slowly, knees that threaten to give out under him. 

He looks up and meets JJ’s eyes. 

(Bright and alive.)

“Give me your hand, come on.” 

Pope does, and JJ takes it firmly between his, starts pulling and Pope follows, struggles a few minutes, but eventually JJ drags him to the roof, and Pope lays down, breathing heavily.

(JJ’s hand still firmly clasped in his.)

“Christ, Pope, it’s time to start a fuckin’ diet, bro.”

“Fuck you, this was all your fault.” He replies and JJ laughs quietly, squeezes Pope’s hand.

( _ Oh.) _

_ (Shit.) _

Pope forces himself to sit up, as JJ starts rolling his blunt, fingers quick and sure.

JJ lights up, taking a long drag and blowing the smoke out, lips parted and eyes closed.

(It’s unfair that he looks so good.)

“You want some?” Pope shakes his head once, then stops, considers.

“Yeah.” JJ gives him a small smile, handing him the joint. 

“That’s my boy.” He pats Pope’s shoulder, then Pope chokes a little on the smoke, coughing and sputtering, and JJ is massaging his back, and even when Pope is not dying anymore, JJ doesn’t move his hand, drapes an arm around Pope’s shoulders and pulls him close instead.

Pope goes.

(He feels a bit dizzy already, the world slowing down around him.)

“You good?”

“Yeah.”

“Cool.” 

(JJ’s voice feels like honey.)

Pope takes a few more puffs, then hands it back to JJ. 

(If he leans closer to him, JJ doesn’t seem to mind.)

“I can’t believe they’re alive.” JJ says then.

(He's smiling and his eyes are distant and maybe a little sad.)

“God, I thought I lost him.”

(Pope used to be jealous of the bond between JJ and John B.)

(Now, he’s just sad they had to rely on each other so much because everyone else in their life failed them.)

“He’s okay, both him and Sarah are. It’ll be okay.” Pope turns to look at him, finds JJ’s eyes already on his face.

(He’s close, so close that Pope can feel his breath ghosting over Pope’s lips.)

(It would be easy, to lean in and just-

(The easiest thing Pope will ever do.)

JJ pulls back, clears his throat.

( _ Fuck, shit, what the fuck- _

“Do you know the constellations?” Pope tears his eyes away from him, back to the sky.

(He knows a lot of things, but astronomy is not one of them.)

“Not really.”

JJ smiles.

“Big John used to teach me and John B.”

“Tell me?” Pope whispers, and JJ glances at him.

(His eyes fly down to Pope’s lips, which is impossible, Pope is going crazy-

JJ leans back, one arm behind his head for support.

He takes the last drag from the blunt, extinguishes it against the roof, looks back to the sky and points.

He traces a few lines, connecting a bunch of stars.

“That’s Leo.” He says, voice quiet, uncertain.

(It’s always weird to hear JJ being unsure, always full of bullshit and bravado.)

“The lion Hercules killed, you know? The dude from the Disney movie, did you watch it?” He glances at Pope, and Pope nods.

“Yeah, you made me watch it, in fact.” JJ’s lips quirk up at that. “In the myth, Hercules kills the lion and steals his fur to make an impenetrable cape.” JJ nods, eyes back to the stars.

“That’s the one. Anyway, you see the bright star on the right? That's Regulus.” 

Pope follows JJ’s finger to the star, and it sure is the brightest of the constellation. 

“On the east side, over there, you see that- that trio of bright stars? That’s the summer triangle.” He pauses for a second, glancing at Pope again. “Two of the stars, Altair and Vega, were named after two lovers.”   
“What happened to them?” Pope asks quietly, staring at JJ’s profile.

(Hair falling over his eyes, the gentle cure of his lips, the strong line of his jaw.)

“They’re separated by the milky Way.” He replies, just as softly.

(He doesn’t look at Pope.)

JJ takes a deep breath, turns to look at Pope, smiles. 

(It makes Pope’s heart jump in his throat.)

JJ knocks their shoulders together, takes Pope’s hand.

_ (Jesus.) _

“Crappy ass story, right?” It makes Pope laugh.

“Yeah, especially for a love story.”

“I know, I’m pretty sure Big John teared up a little telling us.” He looks up again. “To be fair, he was absolutely wasted that night.”

Pope snorts.

(Can’t bring himself to look away from JJ.)

(Maybe it’s the weed.)

(That would explain a lot.)

(Pope knows it's not the weed.)

They’re silent for a while.

(JJ lays there, eyes closed and lips curved into a small smile.)

“I’m fuckin’ knackered.” JJ says sometime later. He stretches, popping several of his bones.

(Pope lets his eyes travel over miles of golden skin and strong muscles.)

( _ Get a grip, Pope, Jesus.) _

“How are we gonna get down without dying?” 

“That’s a really good question, dude.” JJ says, sitting up. He runs one hand through his hair, pushing it away from his face.

(Pope misses the warmth on his body next to his.)

(Being close to JJ is like hugging a heater.)

“Let’s go.”

“Can’t fucking wait.”

“Come on, you go first, so I can hold you up.” 

(It makes his chest feel all warm.)

“Yeah.” 

Pope takes JJ’s hand and holds onto dear life as he tries to climb down without ending up like jam on the sidewalk below.

(JJ holds him up.)

(Warm and steady and strong.)

As soon as Pope’s feet touch the floor of his room, he turns around to help JJ down.

It’s a goddamn struggle, but they both make it to the floor, with only a little scratch on JJ’s elbow where he hit the edge of the window.

“That was a lot.” Pope exhales, and JJ laughs, stands up. He holds one hand out for Pope to take and Pope does, standing up, and  _ God _ , he's so close,  _ again,  _ and  _ has JJ always looked so pretty? _

(Pope knows he has.)

JJ pulls back.

(It stings more than it should.)

“Sleep.” It’s all he says, dropping on Pope’s bed like a deadweight.

“Move.” Pope says, climbing in after him and pushing JJ out of the way so he can fit between him and the wall. JJ snorts, turns on his side towards Pope.

Pope switches off the light and closes his eyes.

And he can’t sleep.

(The room is dark and quiet.)

(It feels weird after the rollercoaster of today, too calm, too still.)

(Pope doesn’t like it.)

“Pope, I can hear you thinkin’.” JJ mumbles against the pillow, and Pope sighs.

“Can’t sleep.”

“Thought you were tired.”

“Yeah, me too.” He answers, feels JJ smile. “It’s too quiet.”

“God, you’re so messed up.”

“Like you’re one to talk.”

“Got me there. Fine, come here.” Pope doesn’t even question it, just slides under his arm, curling against his side. 

(He can hear JJ’s heart beating under his ear, strong and loud and so alive.)

“Did I ever tell you about that time me and John B dared each other to not sleep, so we didn't sleep for, like, three days?” 

“I’m sorry, what?”

(Pope feels him laugh directly against his cheek.)

“Yeah, John B said I couldn’t last an entire day without sleeping, so of course then I dared him to stay up with me to check.”

“ _ Of course.” _

“And then neither of us would give up, you know, had to prove I was the alpha.”

“There is so much testosterone in this story.”

“It’s way too fuckin’ late for names that long, Pope.”

“Idiot. What happened then?”

“Well, we just kept going until we basically passed out of the couch, but John B managed to walk into  _ the same door  _ like four times in a row.”

“I am not surprised.”

“Neither was I. To be fair, at one point I put my headphones in my nose and then had a full metal breakdown because I thought I had gone deaf.”

Pope laughs, and JJ laughs, fingers tightening on Pope’s shoulder.

“Christ, how are you even  _ alive _ ?”

“I’m fukin’ blessed bro, by Jesus himself, he told me.”

“How much weed did you smoke, exactly?”

“The perfect amount, thank you very much.”

“Whatever you say, JJ.”

Then JJ keeps talking.

He talks some more about John B and all the dumb things they did together, he talks about all the things they still have to do, all the little weird adventures that they will drag Pope on.

(That night, Pope falls asleep to JJ’s low voice and soothing fingers.)

  
  


**JJ**

The week after John B’s call, JJ rides on a high. 

It’s blurry, but in the best way possible.

It’s long days on the beach, Pope and Kie by his side, board in hand and wind in his face.

It’s drinks and jokes behind the Wreck after Kie’s shift.

It’s long nights of sleep in Pope’s bed.

(That might be the best part, if JJ is being honest.)

It’s the knowledge that John B is still out there, alive and perfectly fine.

It’s the knowledge that he didn’t kill his best friend.

(Light and happy and bright.)

It’s the knowledge that no matter what happens with the gold, JJ won’t ever have to go back to Luke’s. 

(Pope’s mom offered, and JJ accepted.)

(He doesn’t think he deserves it, not really, but he’s not going to refuse it.)

(Not when Pope asked him to stay, not when Pope holds his hand before falling asleep, not when he gets to wake up beside Pope everyday.)

It’s good. 

And it seems to only get better.

JJ receives the call this time.

He’s half asleep on the couch in the living room, Pope’s out with Kie, said he had to talk to her about something, so he’s got the whole house for himself.

Not that he has any plans, he’s just chilling.

Then the house phone rings and JJ picks it up.

“Hello?” 

“ _ JJ?”  _

(JJ can literally feel his heart drop to the fucking ground.)

“John B?” He asks quietly.

( _ God,  _ it feels so good to hear his voice.)

(JJ might tear up a little.)

John B laughs, and JJ starts laughing too, because how could he not.

“Fuck- shit, John B, what’s up?”   
“ _ We’re coming home.”  _ He says, and JJ can’t believe his own ears.

“You’re kidding.”   
_ “Fuck no, bro, I’m not kidding, me and Sarah- we made it, we got the gold, it’s all sorted out, we’re coming home in like, two days. _ ” John B talks fast, words tumbling out of his mouth, and  _ God,  _ JJ missed him so much.

“No fuckin’ way.” It’s all he manages to say, and John B laughs again, and  _ Christ,  _ it feels so good.

_ “I know right, but- but we made it and now- we got a flight tomorrow.”  _

“Christ, John B, I could literally marry you right now.”   
_ “Remember that when I get there. _ ” There’s some rustling in the background, and JJ is pretty sure he can hear Sarah yelling at John B. “ _ Well, gotta go, the lady needs me. We still have a whole bunch of things to do before we leave but I just- I wanted to let you guys know. We’re rich, bro.”  _

“Full Kook.” JJ whispers.   
_ “Full Kook.” _ John B echoes, and JJ smiles in the phone, shaking his head. 

“See you soon, then, you better not miss that damn plane.” 

_ “Sarah wouldn’t let me. See you in a few days, bro.”  _

Then John B hangs up, and JJ stares at the phone in his hand for a few seconds.

(His chest feels tight and he might just start crying but in the best way possible.)

He calls Pope then. 

“Yo, Pope, where you guys at?”   
_ “The Wreck, is everything alright?” _ _  
_ “You can bet that sweet ass of yours it is.” JJ says, already looking for his wallet so he can head out. “I’ll be there in ten.” 

_ “Okay, but what- _

JJ hangs up, cutting him short. He shoves his cigarettes and keys and wallet in his pocket, phone in hand and hops on his bike. 

He’s at the Wreck in five minutes, panting, and God, he can’t remember the last time he felt this happy.

(A week ago, on Pope’s roof, watching the stars, with Pope’s hand in his.)

Pope and Kie are sitting at the bar, and when JJ comes in, Pope stands up to walk towards him.

(JJ doesn’t even bother to try and resist the urge to have him close.)

He wraps Pope in his arms, in a bone-crushing hug.

(Pope smells of salt and sun and mint.)

( _ Home.) _

“JJ, is everything okay? What happened?” 

“John B is coming home, he and Sarah found the gold, they’re coming home in two days.” 

“ _ What?”  _ Kie squeaks behind Pope, and JJ just pulls her in too, holding them both close to his chest. 

“He called me, they’re coming home, guys.” JJ repeats, because it feels so good to say it out loud.

( _ We made it.) _

“I can't believe it.” Pope says, pulling back slightly.

(His eyes are huge and warm and  _ so  _ soft.)    
“Me neither.” Kie shakes her head, and then she starts laughing, and JJ and Pope do too, and  _ wow, shit. _

(JJ missed feeling like this so much.)

( _ Happy.) _

Kie is the first one to pull back, wiping her cheeks. 

“God.” It’s all she says, and honestly, same. 

(JJ’s hand is still around Pope’s shoulders.)

(Pope doesn’t pull away.) 

***

It’s hot as fuck on the docks.

(JJ wouldn’t want it any other way.) 

“What time is it?” JJ asks for the millionth time. Pope sighs beside him, and Kie rolls her eyes.

“It’s been five minutes since last time you asked.”

“Shit.” 

(John B and Sarah are supposed to arrive at 3 p.m.)

(It’s now 2:57 p.m., if JJ’s math isn’t wrong.)

(He’s decent in math, there are no swimming letters in math, so he’s confident.)

“This is torture.” Kie says. 

(JJ wholeheartedly agrees.) 

He starts pacing.

(He’s been pacing for a while.)

He lights a cigarette. 

Pope glances at him. 

Kie’s eyes are stuck on her phone. 

JJ paces. 

He throws the finished cigarette on the ground. 

“Stop littering.” Kie says. JJ picks up the butt of the cigarette and walks all the way to a trashcan to throw it away.

“Happy?” 

“Very.” JJ goes back to standing between Pope and Kie. 

(He can't do this.)

“If they’re late, I swear to God-

“That’s them!” Kie yells, cutting JJ short, but it doesn’t matter, because it is indeed  _ them,  _ arriving on a speed boat with another couple of men, but it’s  _ them _ , it’s John B, Jesus  _ fucking  _ Christ-

John B doesn’t even wait for the boat to dock, before he’s jumping over the edge, running like a goddamn idiot and grinning, and suddenly JJ finds himself wrapped in his arms, and  _ God, thank you, fuck- _

John B is laughing, and JJ is too, he’s not sure.

(He’s just  _ so  _ fucking happy.) 

“You  _ fuckin’  _ idiot, sailing directly into a goddamn storm-

“What? No ‘ _ welcome home, John B, I missed you so much’ _ ?” 

“Scared the living shit outta me, bro.” JJ cups his cheek with his hand, and John B smiles at him.

(Warm and private.)

( _ He’s alive, he’s alive, he’s alive.) _

“Sorry guys, should have let you know sooner, but we didn’t want to risk it- 

Whatever John B was going to say is lost because then Pope is hugging them both, and so are Kie and Sarah.

(JJ doesn’t think he’s ever felt this safe in his entire life.) 

(He's got all of his family in one place.) 

(If he tears up a little, no one mentions it.)

“Come on, let’s go home.” John B says, and that’s that.

JJ hasn’t stepped foot in the Chateau since the night they thought they had lost John B.

(He came here, sat on the couch for five minute before he couldn’t take it anymore, and went back to Luke.) 

( _ It’s okay, you’re okay now, it’s over, it’s over- _

Pope glances at him.

(Puts one hand on his shoulder, eyes big and worried.) 

(JJ feels the knot in his stomach loosen up.) 

John B takes in the room, the absolute disaster it’s in.

“This is gonna take forever to clean up.” He says, glancing at Sarah.

“Lucky for you, you’re not alone.” Kie says, already picking up some empty bottles and throwing them into a bag. 

“Let’s start tomorrow, I’m too tired right now.” John B says, and Kie shrugs, goes back to cleaning. 

“My mom made you guys food.” Pope says then, and JJ completely forgot about it, but Mrs. Heyward  _ did  _ give them a big pot of meatball and tomato sauce to eat. 

“God, Pope, I love your mom.” John B says, taking the pot that Pope had carefully placed in his backpack. 

(It’s a miracle it didn't spill all over.) 

John B turns on the stove, finds that there’s no power.

“Great.” Sarah says, and John B gives her a smile. 

“They probably shut it down.” Pope says. 

“Oh well, hope you have some candles laying around, John B.” JJ says, and John B nods.

“I mean, probably.”    
They don’t need candles just yet, it’s still afternoon, but John B grabs a couple of them anyways, leaves them on the table for later.

Then they sit down on the floor, in a small circle.

JJ is the first one to break the silence. 

“So? Tell us everything.”

And John B does.

(About crashing in the sea, the cargo boat that picked them up and gave them a ride to the Bahamas, about the FBI agent that reached out to them, about working against Ward Cameron and how they managed to secure the gold.)

(It feels like listening to a Mission Impossible plot.) 

( _ Would that make John B Tom Cruise?) _

Sarah adds things here and there, and John B holds her hand for the whole time.

“That’s unbelievable.” Kie says, mouth hanging open. 

“I know- we- we didn’t know what we were doing half the time, it was- God-

“What John B is trying to say, it’s that it wasn’t easy.” Sarah says, and John B shoots her a smile. 

(They look good together.) 

(It feels like they get each other.) 

(JJ can’t help but glance at Pope.)

(They’re sitting side by side, knees touching.)

(He wants to hold his hand.) 

( _ Shut the fuck up, get a grip, idiot.)  _

“So now what?” Pope asks.

(His eyes are bright and focused.) 

( _ Pretty.) _

“Now, we got the gold in a bank down at the Bahamas, and Ward’s trial is in two weeks but the FBI said he’ll probably go to jail.” 

“What about Rafe?” Kie asks, fingers coming up to touch her neck.

(It makes JJ’s blood boil.)

“Already in jail.” Sarah replies,and she sounds calm, collected.

(JJ recognizes the darkness simmering behind her eyes, just under the surface.) 

(Having a murderous brother will probably do that to you.)

“I can’t believe you made it.” JJ says instead, dragging his eyes away from Sarah.

“ _ We  _ made it, guys, we couldn’t have done without you.” 

(It makes JJ’s chest all warm and fuzzy.)

“So we’re rich, now?” JJ asks, because he has to, and John B laughs, nods.

“Richer than most Kooks, bro.” 

(It's a bit overwhelming.)

( _ So  _ overwhelming.) 

JJ laughs.

(Maybe it's a bit hysterical but  _ who cares?) _

(JJ is  _ rich.) _

“Holy shit.” 

(It feels appropriate.) 

“Fuck.” Pope says then, JJ sees the exact second realization downs on him. 

(He takes Pope's hand, and Pope squeezes it, and now JJ’s heart is racing for an entirely different reason.) 

Then they're hugging again.

(JJ guesses that’s what they do now.)

(Just hold each other close.)

(JJ isn't mad about it.) 

The candles have almost burned to end, and JJ has drunk a couple of beers when John B takes him aside. 

“sup, bro?” JJ asks, and John B puts one hand on JJ’s shoulder.

“Listen, I wanted to talk to you about something.” 

(JJ’s stomach drops to the floor.)

(He doesn't even know  _ why, _ but this can’t mean anything good.) 

“Are you breaking up with me, John B?” He asks, forces a smile on his face.

(He knows John B doesn’t buy it.) 

“No! I mean- no, fuck you, JJ, damn, I’m tryin’ to be serious, but also don’t worry, ‘cause it’s nothing bad-

“John B, you’re not making  _ any  _ sense, bro.” 

“Shit, sorry, right, I- well, I wanted you to move in here.” John B stares at him expectantly, and JJ is lost. “Like, I know you’re here all the time anyway, but, I’m, uh, alone, you know, and your dad is a piece of shit, and there’s an extra room here now, so I figured-

JJ just pulls him in for a hug.

(He’s not crying, fuck you, he’s not.) 

( _ Fine,  _ maybe a little.) 

“Christ, you’re such a bitch, John, make me all emotional and shit.” JJ says, pulling back.

(He has to blink away the tears filling his eyes, but for  _ once  _ it’s not a bad thing.)

“I take it that’s a yes?”

“Why do you sound like you’ve just asked me to marry you?”    
“I mean, I  _ did  _ ask you to move in.” 

“Aw, John B, our relationship is going so well, I’m  _ ecstatic.”  _

John B takes his shoulder again, squeezes.

“That means you’ll have to help clean.” 

“Is it too late to take it back?” 

“Yes.”   
“ _ Fuck.”  _

(It turns out the Chateau needs much more work than what JJ thought.)

( _ ‘We’re gonna redo the roof and the half of the walls are rotting so there’s that too.’) _

(It’s why JJ will be staying with Pope for a while longer and John B and Sarah have booked a room in a fancy hotel in Figure Eight.)

That night JJ doesn't even have to think about it when he curls in bed with Pope. 

(It feels natural now.)

(Always has, if JJ’s being honest.) 

The lights are off, and the room is quiet.

(It’s really fucking late, almost sunrise probably.) 

JJ turns on his side so he can look at Pope. 

Then Pope does the same, and suddenly JJ is staring directly in his eyes.

(It sucks all the air out of JJ’s lungs.)

(In the early light of the morning, Pope’s eyes are clear and his skin is golden.) 

“Hey.” JJ whispers.

(He’s hyper aware that their fingers are touching.)

(He wants to take Pope’s hand properly, hold it between his.) 

( _ Shut up, he’s your best friend, he doesn’t like you like that, he doesn’t- _

“We should sleep.” Pope says, always the sensible one. 

“Can’t.” 

(He’s still too- he doesn’t even know.)

(Excited, scared, happy, nervous, high, relieved, overwhelmed-

(Today has been a lot.) 

“Me neither.” Pope says, with a small sigh.

(JJ feels it directly on his lips.)

_ (Jesus.) _

He takes Pope’s hand.

(His heart might just explode.)

JJ doesn’t say anything else, because he’s not sure there  _ is  _ anything to say.

Pope turns on his back then, pulls JJ closer until he’s got his head of Pope’s chest.

_ (What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck- _

“I’ll try to sleep anyway.” Pope says, calmly, like he hasn’t just given JJ a whole goddamn storm of stupid butterflies. “Goodnight.” 

“‘Night.” JJ manages to say.

(And there’s no way he’s sleeping  _ now.) _

_ (Fuck you, Pope.) _

He hears Pope’s breath even out after a while, when the sunlight is already filtering through the window. 

(It paints Pope in warmth and gold.)

( _ Beautiful _ .) 

Despite everything, JJ feels sleep start to pull him in soon after.

(He falls asleep to Pope’s regular breathing and warm fingers.)

***

If there’s  _ one  _ thing that JJ has learned, is that the high never lasts forever.

(And JJ has been flying high for too long.)

JJ is walking to the Chateau, to meet up with the rest of his friends to help clean out.

(It's a day like all the others up to now have been.)

(He woke up with Pope wrapped around him, safe and painfully beautiful.)

(He helped Heyward with some last minutes deliveries.)

(And now he’ll go have lunch with all his friends, and together they'll fix the Chateau.)

It's a good day.

JJ’s phone starts ringing.

“Hey, Pope, I’m almost there, like, five minutes.”   
_ “Cool, because if you don't hurry there will be no food left for you.” _ _  
_ “Hey, no, that's not cool, dude.” JJ says, hears Pope laugh quietly on the other end of the line. “Make sure to save-

(JJ has let his guard down.)

(He has let himself get too comfortable.) 

“Son!” 

(Highs never last forever, so it all has to come crashing down.)

JJ whips around, tripping over his own feet and almost landing on the ground. 

(JJ is suddenly acutely aware that there’s nobody around.)

(Or nobody that will do anything, he's far too back in the cut, and  _ this- _

(This has happened many times before.)

JJ barely realizes he stopped talking, and that Pope is calling his name. 

“Dad?” He says instead, because he hasn't seen the man since he beated JJ half to death for stealing the Phantom.

(JJ was starting to think he had died in a ditch or something.)

“Yeah, it’s me, boy.” Luke says, and suddenly he's much closer to JJ.

(And it's like JJ never left, like he still lived at that shithole, like JJ didn’t also almost kill him too.) 

(It’s like he’s still scared.)

(He  _ is  _ scared.)

( _ Shit, shit, fuck, fuck- _

“What do you want?” JJ asks, tries to keep his cool, tries to stay calm.

Luke looks taken aback for a second. Then he smiles, and it’s chilling.

“We should go home, mh? Get a beer, watch some football, what do you say, son?” 

(JJ  _ almost  _ buys it.)

(And he hates himself for it, for still wanting Luke to love him, to spend time with him.)

(It’s really fucking pathetic.) 

“I’m not going anywhere with you.” JJ says instead. 

(And it takes every bit of courage he has.)

Luke pulls back, eyes dark.

(JJ knows that look, can see the anger simmering just below, ready to explode.)

(JJ is always collateral damage from those explosions.)

(He wants to step back.)

He stays where he is.

“What do you want?” JJ asks again, and Luke glares at him.

“Heard you got some money now.” 

( _ Ah.) _

(JJ shouldn’t be surprised.) 

(It still hurts.) 

JJ forces himself to hold Luke’s gaze.

(And he has to remind himself that it’s not like before, that he’s changed, that he refuses to be scared again.)

( _ God, shit, why- _

“Fuckin’ typical.” He says, then he turns around and starts walking again. 

“Hey! Don’t fuckin’ walk away from me, son of a bitch, you owe me-

(It’s like flipping a switch.)

(Luke might be angry, but so is JJ.)

(So fucking furious.)

He turns back again, strides up to Luke and Luke steps back.

(It feels better than it should.)

“I don’t  _ owe  _ you a damn thing.” JJ growls.

Then Luke punches him. 

(JJ can taste blood in his mouth, metallic and salty.)

It’s blurry.

(The world tilts on his axis, and JJ almost falls to the ground again.) 

( _ Fuck, fuck, shit, shit- _

(God, he’s such a liar, he’s so  _ fucking  _ scared-

“I am your  _ father.”  _ Luke says, and JJ forces himself to look up. Luke strides up to him again, and JJ jerks back, tries to, because then Luke has grabbed the front of his shirt and he’s holding JJ up, close-

(He smells like cheap liquor and sweat.)

“Those money are  _ mine.”  _

( _ Fuck, fuck, fuck this- _

_ (Not scared, not scared, not scared- _

(Fake ‘till you make it.)

“Fuck you.” JJ spits, and Luke punches him right in the stomach, throws him on the ground, kicks him when he’s down, and JJ can’t breathe, no air left in his lungs.

“Fuck you.” He chokes out anyway, because he’s not doing this again, he  _ can’t. _

_ (Not scared, not scared- _

“You little bastard, lemme remind you who the fuck is in charge.” JJ sees Luke’s boot coming down towards him again, and this time he rolls out of the way. He scrambles to get back on his feet, leaning against a tree when his head starts spinning. 

“I'm not givin’ you anythin’. You ain’t my dad.” He says, and it’s bold, it’s a lie, but it doesn’t matter.

( _ Not scared- _

This time when Luke charges, JJ is ready. 

They tumble on the ground, a mess of kicks and punches and flying fists and angry words.

It’s blurry. 

“JJ!” JJ barely registers somebody yelling his name.

(There's only space for Luke and his hands.)

(For the blood on JJ’s hand and on his face, the dull pain in his body, the burning anger in his chest.) 

(He sees red.)

“JJ, hey-

JJ looks up. 

He sees Pope and John B running towards him, Kie and Sarah close behind.

(It’s a mistake.)

Luke manages to pin him down and JJ hits his head on the ground, hard, sees Luke pull back his arm and JJ closes his eyes, tries to prepare, but the hit never comes. 

“What the fuck-

“JJ, hey, it’s okay, it’s okay, we’re here-

“Kie?” 

JJ’s vision is swimming a bit (a lot) and it takes him a second to focus on Pope and John B holding Luke back, one arm each. 

“Who the fuck are you, you sons of bitches, let me fuckin’ go-

Pope punches him straight across his nose.

(It might be the hottest thing JJ has ever witnessed.)

“JJ? Are you okay?” Kie asks again, and he’s got her and Sarah’s hands around him as they help him up. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m-

“You’ll pay for this, son, you hear me? This isn’t over, those are  _ my  _ money, you worthless waste of space, piece of-

It’s JJ that punches him this time.

(And  _ fuck, _ it feels so good.)

Luke drops on the ground, and JJ stares hard at him.

( _ Not scared of you anymore.) _

“ _ Yes,  _ it’s over, we’re done.” 

“You’re nothing without me, boy, you know that.” JJ doesn't reply, just shakes his head.

He takes a step back. 

( _ Shit.) _

“Let's go.” John B says, and Pope takes his hand, and they start walking and Luke doesn't follow them. 

( _ It’s over, it’s over, it’s over- _

It’s blurry.

JJ doesn't remember walking to the Chateau, nor he remembers how he came to sit down on John B’s bed, with Pope kneeling in front of him.   
“JJ?” 

“Yeah, I’m fine, I’m-

“Hey, it’s okay-

“I know, I- Pope?” 

(JJ’s voice cracks, right at the end, on his name.)

(Pope’s eyes are soft, the softest they’ve ever been.)

(No one is ever soft with him.)

“Can I take a look?” Pope asks, voice gentle and careful. JJ nods, takes his shirt off.

(JJ doesn’t need him to be careful, he’s fine, he’s okay, he’s gotten much worse-

He’s not prepared to see the blooming bruises on his stomach and side.

(It’s been a while since last time.)

(And so much has changed since then.) 

“Shit.” Pope breathes out, and JJ looks at him.

There’s a cut on his cheek.

“He hit you?” JJ asks, hand coming up to cup Pope’s cheek. 

“It’s nothing, you, though- shit, lemme grab some ice.” Then he gets up.

(And JJ feels panic closing his throat, chest tight and heavy.)

“Pope-

“Hey, I'm right here.” 

JJ’s hand is closed around Pope’s wrist.

( _ Stay.) _

( _ Okay,  _ so maybe he’s not  _ fine.) _

“I’ll just get some ice, okay? I'll be right back.”   
(It takes an effort to let go.)

Pope is back a minute later with a bunch of ice bags, and JJ presses one to his cheek and Pope the other two to his chest.

(Pope’s fingers brush against his skin.)

“Fuck.” JJ whispers.

“You okay?” It makes JJ smile.

“Yeah, just cold.” Pope smiles too, then, and  _ fuck _ , he looks so good.

(And maybe JJ is staring, but Pope is staring too, and-

“Thanks.” JJ says. 

(He doesn’t need to say for what, because Pope gets it.)

(Pope always does.) 

“Of course.” 

( _ He doesn’t like you like that.) _

_ (You’re nothing.) _

(And Pope is everything.) 

JJ has to pull back a little, because suddenly it hurts too much. 

Except that Pope follows, goes to sit beside JJ.

(JJ can feel his warm breath on his lips.) 

(JJ really can’t do this, he's not prepared-

Pope drops the ice bags and his fingers brush against his hips. 

His eyes drop to JJ’s lips.

( _ No fucking way, no way, what the fuck- _

JJ looks back up to his eyes.

(His heart is racing in his chest, he wonders if Pope can feel it.) 

“Pope.” The name slips off his lips without JJ really wanting it too, and Pope shivers above him. 

( _ What the fuck.) _

_ (You’re nothing.) _

(It sounds a lot like Luke’s voice.) 

JJ’s chest is heavy. 

“He was wrong.” Pope says then, and the sudden change gives JJ literal whiplash.

“What?” It comes out high and squeaky.

(JJ hates himself a lot sometimes.) 

“Luke, he’s wrong about you, all the things he said- he’s wrong.” Pope takes in a shaky breath, and he’s biting his bottom lip like he does when he’s nervous. 

_ (Worthless, waste of space, nothing.) _

(JJ can hear it loud and clear in his head.)

(He’s been told the same thing so many times that he just kind of- started to believe it too.)

(And now, here’s Pope, telling him the exact opposite-

“You’re not worthless.” Pope says quietly, whispers, really, and shit, he’s so close, and it would be so easy to close the space between them-

( _ Stop, stop, Jesus, get a grip- _

“Pope.” He says again, throat dry. 

(And he doesn’t know where to go from there.) 

(Pope’s eyes are so intense on him, like he can read straight into JJ’s soul.)

Pope swallows hard, throat bobbing. 

“You’re not nothing, you’re- you’re amazing and selfless and so  _ bright- _

JJ kisses him.

(JJ’s not even sure he’d call that a kiss, their lips barely brushing.)

He pulls back. 

(Panic closes his throat, his insides twisting painfully.) 

“Shit.” He whispers. 

(He can't bring himself to look Pope in the eyes.)   
“Fuck, Im sorry, I shouldn’t have- I shouldn’t-

Pope kisses him.

(JJ wasn’t ready.)

It takes him a second to catch up with it, but then he presses closer, and Pope’s lips part under his, letting him in, and JJ licks into his mouth eagerly. 

( _ God.) _

(Pope tastes like beer and salt.) 

(He feels like Heaven.) 

JJ moves his hand to Pope’s hip, puts the other behind his head to trade his fingers through the short hair, holding him close, and Pope shivers under him, and  _ shit- _

(Pope’s lips are chapped and warm and so soft.) 

(It’s a heady feeling, JJ feels high, adrenaline running in his veins.)

(It sets his blood on fire.)

They kiss for an eternity, until they have to part to breathe.

(Pope’s lips are slick and swollen.)

(Eyes bright and shining, cheeks tinted pink.)

“Christ, Pope.” JJ exhales. 

(He can't breathe, and for once it feels  _ fantastic.) _

(Pope looks in shock.)

“You okay?” JJ asks, and he can’t keep the worry out of his voice.

(Was this the first time Pope has kissed a boy?)

(Does he regret it?)

(Does he even  _ like  _ JJ?)

(Is he upset it’s JJ?)

( _ Jesus, what the fuck, what the fuck, shit- _

Pope is just staring at him, lips still parted.

“Pope, you’re freaking me the fuck out, man.” JJ says, pulling back. 

Then Pope shakes his head. He smiles, and JJ feels relief washing over him.

“Sorry, yeah, I’m fine, more than, just- never had a kiss like that.” 

(Pope’s voice is low, a bit hoarse.)

(It travels straight down JJ’s spine.)

“There are many more from where that one came from.” He winks and Pope blushes again.

(He looks so fucking cute,  _ Jesus _ .) 

“I hate you.” Pope says, but it loses a lot of his bite when he’s smiling like that.

( _ Pretty.) _

“No, you don’t.” 

“You’re right.” Pope’s smile falters a little, then. “Why did you kiss me?” 

JJ blinks.

(He figured it was kind of obvious.)

( _ Here goes nothing.)  _

“I like you.” He says, because it's true. 

(JJ is full on in love with him, but, you know, baby steps.)

Pope is staring at him with wide eyes, like JJ is talking in another language.

(Impossible, he barely speaks english as it is.) 

(Lord knows he can barely read it.)

“You like me?”

(Did JJ just fuck up monumentally?)

(To be fair, JJ always fuck everything up.)

( _ Just not this one, please, not this.) _

JJ looks down, because suddenly Pope’s eyes are too intense.

“Yeah.” He manages to say.

“Oh.” Pope says, and JJ’s stomach sinks to the floor.

( _ Shit.) _

“’s okay.” JJ says, and it’s not. “I’ll just go.” 

“What? JJ, what-

“Save it, Pope, ‘s cool, I’ll just leave and-

Pope kisses him  _ again. _

(JJ is so  _ fucking  _ confused.)

He pulls back, looks Pope directly in the eyes.

“Pope, what the fuck.” 

“I think I like you too.” Pope blurts out, the words tangling with each other as they tumble off Pope’s lips.

“You- shit, dude, I was freaking out so bad, what the fuck, Pope, damn-

Pope laughs then, and JJ cuts himself short.

Pope reches between them to take JJ’s hand.

“I’m sorry. I was just- surprised.” 

“Right.” 

(Truth is, JJ isn’t even listening anymore.)

He leans forward again, catches Pope’s lips in another kiss.

(It’s hungry and wet and demanding and it’s  _ just right.)  _

(Pope was right, JJ has never had a kiss like this either.) 

Pope puts his hands behind JJ’s neck, playing with the hair in the back, pulls JJ closer, and JJ goes, bodies pressed flushed together. 

(He’d go anywhere for him.) 

When they separate this time, JJ presses his forehead against Pope’s, trying to catch his breath.

“Christ, I’ve wanted to do that for so long.” He says, and Pope smiles at him, eyes impossibly soft.

“Well, I’m glad you did.” 

“Me too, come on, let’s go, can’t wait to take you on our first date. Did I ever tell you I’m, like,  _ filthy  _ rich?” Pope laughs again, smiles, squeezes JJ’s hand. 

“No, but tell me more, please.” 

**POPE**

Pope is actually kind of mad it took him so long to figure out he’s had a crush on JJ for longer than he cares to admit.

It's weird, not in a million year he would have thought he'd fall for JJ, though he probably should have.

(Thinking about it, Pope doesn't think he could have  _ not  _ fallen for him.)

It’s just- it’s JJ, you know? 

(Blue eyes and pretty lips, miles of tan skin and perpetually bruised knuckles, silvers rings and golder hair, flirty smirks and dirty jokes, loud laugh and louder touches.) 

It doesn’t really matter, they’re here now. 

Here, being the Chateau, finally fully renovated. 

(It still looks like he always does, but now there’s no risk of it falling apart at the next storm.) 

(And it doesn’t rain inside anymore.) 

(And it’s cleaner than it has been in  _ years.) _

Pope is currently helping JJ set up his new room. 

(He’s sort of really sad JJ won’t be living with him anymore, but this is the right choice.)

(JJ deserves to have his own space, his own room, a house he can call home.) 

(And Pope is over at the Chateau more often than not anyways.) 

(JJ even left a shelf in his closet empty so Pope can bring over some of his stuff.) 

( _ God,  _ how did he even get so lucky?)

So yeah, Pope’s been helping JJ out to move in. 

(Not that he has that much stuff to bring over, all of his things fit in three boxes.) 

(It makes Pope angry, because JJ deserves  _ everything.) _

JJ is babbling on about something or the other, Pope kind of zoned out while making JJ’s bed.

(Queen size, enough to fit all the Pogues.) 

(Definitely enough to fit the both of them.)

“Here, that’s the last shirt.” JJ says, folding haphazardly the last shirt and putting it with the others in his brand new closet. 

(They’ve done a bit of shopping.)

(Okay,  _ fine,  _ a lot of shopping.)

(Sue them, they’re rich now.) 

John B appears on the threshold of the room. 

“You guys done?” He asks, and JJ nods. “Cool, me and the girls are going to get lunch at the Wreck, you want to come?”   
“Fuck yeah, I’m starving, bro.” JJ says, slamming the closet closed with more strength than strictly necessary. 

“You’re going to break it before the warranty expires.”   
“Isn’t that what the warranty is for?” JJ throws back, and Pope shakes his head.

“That’s not how it works-

“Pope, shut up, I don’t care.” He says, and Pope rolls his eyes, closes his mouth anyway.

(He figures JJ can now afford another one.) 

Then JJ comes up to him, smiling.

(He looks so fucking bright that sometimes Pope wants to look away.) 

(His eyes are literally shining, ocean blue and crystal clear.)

(Pope likes his eyes so much.)

JJ takes his hand, the rings cold against his skin.    
“I’ll miss sleeping with you every night.” JJ says. 

(Open and honest.)   
“You could come over. Or I could.” JJ’s smile turns sharper, silkier. 

(It promises many bad things to happen.)

(It sends a thrill down Pope’s spine.) 

“Sounds like a good plan to me.” 

“Guys! Stop fuckin’, we need to go!” John B yells from the living room, and JJ snorts.

“Cockblocker!” JJ yells back, which earns him a slap on the arm from Pope.

(It’s not like their friends don’t know about them, but Pope would appreciate it if JJ kept something for himself.)

“JJ!” He hisses, and JJ only laughs louder, presses a soft, chaste kiss on Pope’s lips.   
“Sorry, baby, let’s go.” 

(The nickname sends the butterflies in Pope’s stomach in a frenzy.)

JJ enterwines their fingers together again, and walks out of the room, taking Pope with him.

“Comin’!” 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are always appreciated, let me know what you think!  
> Hope y'all liked it, this was a struggle, but I really wanted to try my hand with JJ/Pope, so here we go, thanks for reading!


End file.
